And other than rocking these baby legs, Mary spent the whole day in her special St. Patty's Day PJs :
................................................................................................
March 17, 2014
Happy St. Patrick's Day {2014}
I let Finley off the hook today and didn't subject him to a photo shoot (mainly because he didn't have anything green!) but Mary was fair game:
And other than rocking these baby legs, Mary spent the whole day in her special St. Patty's Day PJs :
And other than rocking these baby legs, Mary spent the whole day in her special St. Patty's Day PJs :
March 15, 2014
Unused Hand-Me-Downs
I recently went through the bins of packed away baby boy clothes. I had pulled out some gender neutral things before I delivered Mary, but eventually I weeded through a lot of the boy clothes and donated a bunch and sold a bunch to a consignment store. But even in doing that I still have a bin and a half of little boy things that I'm just not anywhere close to being ready to part with. Because so many of them have a memory - either of when I was given them during my pregnancies with both Cale and Finn or when Finn got to wear them.
Other than some monogrammed items, there are very few clothes that we were given or purchased for Cale that Finn did not wear. Having both boys in June, it made reusing the unused clothes very convenient for me. But it was definitely very bittersweet. To know that Finn was wearing all the clothes that were originally intended for his brother - I was so thankful he was getting to wear them, just wished they had already been worn, ya know? Mary has worn two sets of pajamas that Finn wore - both items that were intended for Cale. I'm glad she's able to wear them and there's a little bit of a connection there - that she can share clothes with her brothers. I have one more larger sized gender neutral set of pajamas, but then that's it - she probably won't share any other clothes with them.
As I went through the bins, I came across so many special outfits. Like a little dog outfit that I had packed in my hospital bag as it had both long sleeves and short and I didn't know what we would dress Cale in so I wanted options. And even though I never dressed him in it, I always think of it as his "going home" outfit, so I'll never be able to part with it. Here's a (not so flattering) picture from my baby shower of the little outfit:
And there were a few other things, that while they definitely have a connection to Cale and were special to me, I wanted to pass them along to some of my baby loss friends. The first is a little Julius the monkey outfit that my sister in law gave me when I was pregnant with Cale. Finn wore it a couple times, but I wanted to pass it along to my friend Tiffany. Her first son Julius passed away from SIDS in 2010. She went on to have a little girl in 2012 and just recently welcomed another little boy who I hope will get some use out of this outfit. Two big brothers loved and remembered, and two little brothers who get to wear it.
The other outfit was again one that was given to me when I was pregnant with Cale. It's a set of onesies and pants that have a little Duck on them. My friend Brooke is pregnant with her third "baby Duck" and I wanted to share them with her.
I couldn't find any other pictures of when Finn wore this - hard to tell, but there's a little Duck on his shirt. He was seven months here:
Before I even mailed these outfits to Brooke she had sent Mary some pajamas that were intended for her little Eliza, stillborn in 2010. We got a head start on St. Patrick's Day and Mary has been wearing them the past two nights.
Other than some monogrammed items, there are very few clothes that we were given or purchased for Cale that Finn did not wear. Having both boys in June, it made reusing the unused clothes very convenient for me. But it was definitely very bittersweet. To know that Finn was wearing all the clothes that were originally intended for his brother - I was so thankful he was getting to wear them, just wished they had already been worn, ya know? Mary has worn two sets of pajamas that Finn wore - both items that were intended for Cale. I'm glad she's able to wear them and there's a little bit of a connection there - that she can share clothes with her brothers. I have one more larger sized gender neutral set of pajamas, but then that's it - she probably won't share any other clothes with them.
As I went through the bins, I came across so many special outfits. Like a little dog outfit that I had packed in my hospital bag as it had both long sleeves and short and I didn't know what we would dress Cale in so I wanted options. And even though I never dressed him in it, I always think of it as his "going home" outfit, so I'll never be able to part with it. Here's a (not so flattering) picture from my baby shower of the little outfit:
And there were a few other things, that while they definitely have a connection to Cale and were special to me, I wanted to pass them along to some of my baby loss friends. The first is a little Julius the monkey outfit that my sister in law gave me when I was pregnant with Cale. Finn wore it a couple times, but I wanted to pass it along to my friend Tiffany. Her first son Julius passed away from SIDS in 2010. She went on to have a little girl in 2012 and just recently welcomed another little boy who I hope will get some use out of this outfit. Two big brothers loved and remembered, and two little brothers who get to wear it.
The other outfit was again one that was given to me when I was pregnant with Cale. It's a set of onesies and pants that have a little Duck on them. My friend Brooke is pregnant with her third "baby Duck" and I wanted to share them with her.
I couldn't find any other pictures of when Finn wore this - hard to tell, but there's a little Duck on his shirt. He was seven months here:
Before I even mailed these outfits to Brooke she had sent Mary some pajamas that were intended for her little Eliza, stillborn in 2010. We got a head start on St. Patrick's Day and Mary has been wearing them the past two nights.
I love babies in pajamas - they are squishy and snuggly and I think Mary looks just precious in these shamrocks. But it was bittersweet to dress her in them. Because they should have already been worn in and Eliza should have looked squishy and snuggly and oh so cute in them and I have no doubts she would have. I'm grateful Brook shared a little connection to Eliza with Mary, and I'm grateful to be able to share a little connection to Cale with some of my friends, but it's just so heartbreaking and beautiful all at once. It just reminds me so much of when I first dressed Finn in those special and meaningful clothes, passed down from, but never worn by, his brother.
................................................................................................
March 9, 2014
Finley and the Diggers
Around the time he turned two, Finn really began to identify and enjoy seeing construction vehicles, diggers in particular. His infatuation with them has only grown stronger.
Finn was given not one, but two copies of Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site as Christmas gifts. My parents spent the holidays with us and I swear by New Years we had all read the book 50 times. When Aunt Kate recently came out to visit, Finn was sure to have her read it to him as well. You don't even need to read it anymore as he has the whole thing memorized!
My mom even gave him a stuffed digger like the one in the book. We had to take it away from him at night as we soon learned he would just stay up talking to the digger. So instead he started to put the digger to bed (in Mary's crib) and would say, "gotta be quiet" as he shut the door to the nursery.
While Finn clearly has a favorite in the digger (which he sometimes refers to as an excavator, because of course he knows the proper name), he loves any and all construction vehicles. There is some construction going on further back in our neighborhood and we usually go out to see the vehicles at least three times a week. If it's during the day, Finn knows that he can only watch as they are all at work. But if it's in the evening or on a weekend, he gets to walk up around and explore and now requests to take pictures with them. Every single time.
I'm starting to think that a Construction Zone should be the theme for his next birthday. Finn has more than his fair share of construction vehicles and can point out ones we see in the car - front end loader, scraper, back hoe, fork lift, bulldozer, trencher, you name it - he knows them all. I always look for construction vehicles when we are driving and find myself wanting to point them out to him even when he's not in the car with me! It's a fun phase he is in and I only hope he finds as much joy in life as he does in a digger.
Finn was given not one, but two copies of Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site as Christmas gifts. My parents spent the holidays with us and I swear by New Years we had all read the book 50 times. When Aunt Kate recently came out to visit, Finn was sure to have her read it to him as well. You don't even need to read it anymore as he has the whole thing memorized!
My mom even gave him a stuffed digger like the one in the book. We had to take it away from him at night as we soon learned he would just stay up talking to the digger. So instead he started to put the digger to bed (in Mary's crib) and would say, "gotta be quiet" as he shut the door to the nursery.
While Finn clearly has a favorite in the digger (which he sometimes refers to as an excavator, because of course he knows the proper name), he loves any and all construction vehicles. There is some construction going on further back in our neighborhood and we usually go out to see the vehicles at least three times a week. If it's during the day, Finn knows that he can only watch as they are all at work. But if it's in the evening or on a weekend, he gets to walk up around and explore and now requests to take pictures with them. Every single time.
I'm starting to think that a Construction Zone should be the theme for his next birthday. Finn has more than his fair share of construction vehicles and can point out ones we see in the car - front end loader, scraper, back hoe, fork lift, bulldozer, trencher, you name it - he knows them all. I always look for construction vehicles when we are driving and find myself wanting to point them out to him even when he's not in the car with me! It's a fun phase he is in and I only hope he finds as much joy in life as he does in a digger.
................................................................................................
March 5, 2014
Lent: 2014
This was my view on Saturday evening - Mary was in the ergo and Finn was holding my hand, waving his firetruck with his free hand:
.JPG)
So this year I've decided that I will just work to be an ever so slightly better Catholic. Ambitious, egh? It's not just going to church more, though I do need to and hope to get better about that, but also I feel fairly ignorant on not just things related to Catholicism, but basic Christianity. So each day I am dedicating at least 10 minutes to learning more about the Catholic faith. I think it's very doable and 10 minutes will actually turn into more as it did today when I was reading about Saints.
In addition to doing something I think it actually in line with the spirit of Lent, I also am giving up something that has nothing to do with getting closer to God. I'm not allowing myself to touch my phone while in the driver's seat of my car. I'm pretty good about not texting, though am guilty of reading texts while at a red light, but Texas is not hands free and therefore I've talked on my phone many times while driving. But it's a distraction too and something I want to stop doing altogether. I have Bluetooth in my car as well, so there's really no excuse. I will leave my phone in the backseat with my diaper bag to avoid any temptation and hope this brings about a permanent change even after Lent is over
Anyone else, Catholic or not, giving anything up this year?
I took this picture because Saturday marked a first for myself and for Mary - it was her first time going to mass and my first time taking kids by my lonesome. They were so well behaved it made me feel guilty for not going with both of them before. And we didn't even sit in the cry room! Finn sat next to me and stayed mostly quiet. Mary slept most of the time and when she was awake she was just as content as could be.
Today marks the beginning of Lent and for the last few days I've been really thinking about what I wanted to "give up" or rather, what I wanted to get out of this season of Lent. In the past I've given up sweets, given up Facebook - the sort of things that may feel like a momentary sacrifice, but do little to assist in my spiritual growth.
So this year I've decided that I will just work to be an ever so slightly better Catholic. Ambitious, egh? It's not just going to church more, though I do need to and hope to get better about that, but also I feel fairly ignorant on not just things related to Catholicism, but basic Christianity. So each day I am dedicating at least 10 minutes to learning more about the Catholic faith. I think it's very doable and 10 minutes will actually turn into more as it did today when I was reading about Saints.
In addition to doing something I think it actually in line with the spirit of Lent, I also am giving up something that has nothing to do with getting closer to God. I'm not allowing myself to touch my phone while in the driver's seat of my car. I'm pretty good about not texting, though am guilty of reading texts while at a red light, but Texas is not hands free and therefore I've talked on my phone many times while driving. But it's a distraction too and something I want to stop doing altogether. I have Bluetooth in my car as well, so there's really no excuse. I will leave my phone in the backseat with my diaper bag to avoid any temptation and hope this brings about a permanent change even after Lent is over
Anyone else, Catholic or not, giving anything up this year?
................................................................................................
February 27, 2014
Not a First Time Parent
As I've gotten into a somewhat comfortable groove having two children at home, I've reflected back on how parenting this time is so much different than it was last time.
The main difference has been a comfort and a confidence I have in tending to an infant that I didn't have initially with Finn. When Finn was born we were second time parents, but not really. I felt like a mother for the second time, but really I felt like a parent for the first. And that was hard. I was much more emotionally fragile after Finn was born than I was after Mary was born. While still in the hospital with him, realizing that breastfeeding wasn't coming naturally and that he was struggling to latch, I was struggling not to feel like a failure for it. The nurses and lactation consultants were all up in my business, but not in a tender and supportive way. In a - let me grab your boob, constantly weigh your baby, freak you out about weight loss, etc - sort of a way. The on call pediatrician once said, "since he's your first baby" and through my tears I snapped back, "he's not my first baby, he's just the first I've breastfed." And while it wasn't malicious and she probably didn't know our history, her comment stung and made me feel like a first time mom when I wanted desperately not to feel that way. I had already felt like I failed to bring Cale safely into the world and now I wasn't doing a good job providing for the child I was lucky enough to bring home.
It took a couple weeks and many tears shed, but we eventually got the hang of breastfeeding. I remember Miles rubbing my back as I pleaded with Finn to latch on and then winced in pain when he did, both of us crying and frazzled. This time, Mary took to nursing well right away. I think in part because she was better at latching, but largely because I knew what I was doing this time around and wasn't stressed. That comfort with nursing was a huge confidence booster. There were still a lot of painful winces, but, physical discomforts aside, our experience with nursing was much more pleasant from the get go.
Our hospital experience was better with her as well. We only had to stay the night she was born and were released the next evening. Mary met all the criteria the pediatrician had for discharge at 24 hours - she was nursing well, she was a girl, and we were not first time parents. Being validated as someone who had done this all before felt so good. Even though we hadn't done it before with Finn, it was just hard to be reminded of that fact. This time, there was no need for such reminders because we definitely were not first time parents.
Just as nursing was easier, the same went for our initial care for Mary. Sure, we were gentle with our little newborn babe, but diaper changes went quicker, giving a bath was no biggie, long sleeved onesies were easier to put on (I remember with Finn I worried I was going to hurt him if I pulled too hard to get his little arms through his shirt). It was as if we quickly fell back into the groove of things because we had done it all once before. And that helped put me at ease - something that just took longer with Finley.
Having two kids definitely has its own challenges. Tending to them when they both need something, ensuring that Finn gets enough attention and it's not all directed at the baby, ensuring that Mary gets the snuggles and cuddles that Finn got as a newborn, and the biggest challenge - getting out the door! Loading kids in a car, with all necessary gear, should be an Olympic sport!
The questions and the assumptions about our family dynamic still remain difficult. The few times I've gone out with just Mary I've been asked if she's my first. Sometimes I've said, "no, my third." and sometimes I just say, "her two and a half year old brother is at home," but of course that response always has a tinge of guilt associated with it. While still tender, those questions were almost easier to answer when I was pregnant. Because Cale absolutely can and should be included when I talk about my pregnancies. And while he should be included when I talk about my kids, it's also harder because pregnancy was all I got with him. So when asked how many kids I have, I still struggle to find the right thing to say. I suspect I always will.
But ten weeks in to having two kids at home and I'm still so grateful to not be a first time parent. I'll forever miss the experiences I never got to have with Cale, but am so grateful that I had them with Finn that he taught me how to be a parent to a living baby. I'm so grateful that this time I can not only feel like a mother for the third time, but a parent as well.
.JPG)
The main difference has been a comfort and a confidence I have in tending to an infant that I didn't have initially with Finn. When Finn was born we were second time parents, but not really. I felt like a mother for the second time, but really I felt like a parent for the first. And that was hard. I was much more emotionally fragile after Finn was born than I was after Mary was born. While still in the hospital with him, realizing that breastfeeding wasn't coming naturally and that he was struggling to latch, I was struggling not to feel like a failure for it. The nurses and lactation consultants were all up in my business, but not in a tender and supportive way. In a - let me grab your boob, constantly weigh your baby, freak you out about weight loss, etc - sort of a way. The on call pediatrician once said, "since he's your first baby" and through my tears I snapped back, "he's not my first baby, he's just the first I've breastfed." And while it wasn't malicious and she probably didn't know our history, her comment stung and made me feel like a first time mom when I wanted desperately not to feel that way. I had already felt like I failed to bring Cale safely into the world and now I wasn't doing a good job providing for the child I was lucky enough to bring home.
It took a couple weeks and many tears shed, but we eventually got the hang of breastfeeding. I remember Miles rubbing my back as I pleaded with Finn to latch on and then winced in pain when he did, both of us crying and frazzled. This time, Mary took to nursing well right away. I think in part because she was better at latching, but largely because I knew what I was doing this time around and wasn't stressed. That comfort with nursing was a huge confidence booster. There were still a lot of painful winces, but, physical discomforts aside, our experience with nursing was much more pleasant from the get go.
Our hospital experience was better with her as well. We only had to stay the night she was born and were released the next evening. Mary met all the criteria the pediatrician had for discharge at 24 hours - she was nursing well, she was a girl, and we were not first time parents. Being validated as someone who had done this all before felt so good. Even though we hadn't done it before with Finn, it was just hard to be reminded of that fact. This time, there was no need for such reminders because we definitely were not first time parents.
Just as nursing was easier, the same went for our initial care for Mary. Sure, we were gentle with our little newborn babe, but diaper changes went quicker, giving a bath was no biggie, long sleeved onesies were easier to put on (I remember with Finn I worried I was going to hurt him if I pulled too hard to get his little arms through his shirt). It was as if we quickly fell back into the groove of things because we had done it all once before. And that helped put me at ease - something that just took longer with Finley.
Having two kids definitely has its own challenges. Tending to them when they both need something, ensuring that Finn gets enough attention and it's not all directed at the baby, ensuring that Mary gets the snuggles and cuddles that Finn got as a newborn, and the biggest challenge - getting out the door! Loading kids in a car, with all necessary gear, should be an Olympic sport!
The questions and the assumptions about our family dynamic still remain difficult. The few times I've gone out with just Mary I've been asked if she's my first. Sometimes I've said, "no, my third." and sometimes I just say, "her two and a half year old brother is at home," but of course that response always has a tinge of guilt associated with it. While still tender, those questions were almost easier to answer when I was pregnant. Because Cale absolutely can and should be included when I talk about my pregnancies. And while he should be included when I talk about my kids, it's also harder because pregnancy was all I got with him. So when asked how many kids I have, I still struggle to find the right thing to say. I suspect I always will.
But ten weeks in to having two kids at home and I'm still so grateful to not be a first time parent. I'll forever miss the experiences I never got to have with Cale, but am so grateful that I had them with Finn that he taught me how to be a parent to a living baby. I'm so grateful that this time I can not only feel like a mother for the third time, but a parent as well.
................................................................................................
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)