Remembrance Day

I didn't realize it, but there is a Veterans Day in the UK (known now as Armed Forces Day), but it's fairly new and I suspect not nearly as significant as Remembrance Day, our equivalent being Memorial Day. I think the holidays and their significance seem to be flip flopped, at least from my perspective. In the US the "bigger" of the holidays seems to be Veterans Day. There are often parades and events for the day whereas I don't see as much fanfare surrounding Memorial Day and of the two, honoring the sacrifice of the Veteran who died in service to our nation seems like it should be more acknowledged and respected. Alas, Memorial Day has sort of just become this kick off to summer and that's not how the holiday is treated here.

I think in general the US does a better job of honoring living and current Veterans, at times sometimes being too over the top in the hero worship, whereas here in England being a (modern day) Veteran doesn't seem to carry the same weight as it does in the states. But as far as paying tribute to the fallen, I've been impressed with the importance of celebrating Remembrance Day. We missed almost all of the ceremony and parade held here today, but walked to the city centre where we saw lots of Soldiers in uniform from different branches, and clergy from lots of different faiths, who all paid tribute. Finn said he watched a video about Remembrance Day and they talked about the Poppies and all week we've seen people and businesses displaying poppies, the symbol of remembrance inspired by John McCrae's Poem In Flanders Fields. I had to memorize this poem my freshman year at West Point and found it so beautifully somber.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Love and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders field.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from family hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, through poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

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A Confident Chap

Finn started school last week. We moved a week after his school started up in Savannah so it made no sense to have him attend before moving, but we couldn't enroll him in a school here until we had an address and we didn't have an address for a month while we were house hunting. So, here we are in November and he's just now starting school.

Last school year he attended a wonderful school three days a week from 9-1. I really loved his school and was so sad to leave it. Had we still been in the states, Finn would have done five days a week of preschool. He has a summer birthday so even though he's old enough to attend kindergarten, we want him to be old for his class - not young. Unfortunately, holding him back wasn't an option here so he is in the British equivalent of kindergarten called Year 1. He's in a mixed class of Year 1 and Year 2 (kindergarten and first grade), so really he is one of the youngest (and smallest) in his class. It's not ideal, but it is what it is and we plan to just have him retake 1st grade when we move back to the states in 2018.

I toured a couple of schools here and then applied to the city council who handles admissions. He is attending a state (public) school, although they do require a uniform. I was very nervous about sending him off. Sure, there was the typical apprehension when you send your BABY off to kindergarten, but then factor in that he's so young/little compared to his classmates and he's starting late and he doesn't know anyway and this is the grade Cale should be in and, and, and. . . I just was all sorts of emotional about it.

Thankfully, Finn was excited to start school. He's a very adaptable kid - I'm not sure if it's just his personality or a product of the military life (probably both), but he adjusts well to new situations which I'm very thankful for. He had no reservations about attending and was very happy when I picked him up at the end of his first day. His teacher did tell me though that he had a hard time listening and a hard time sitting still. Part of me wanted to get defensive - because of course he had a hard time sitting still. He hasn't been to school since May and certainly not had a six hour day (even Miles' schedule isn't that intense these days!) but at the same time I know he's just going to need time to adjust and he can be a crappy listener - he is five. 

Fortunately the teacher he had Thursday and Friday (he has two teachers) said he did really well paying attention, sitting still, and listening. She let me know he seems social and she sees him play with other kids (which REALLY puts my worry about him being lonely at ease), but she did say he is behind on his phonics. Again, not surprised. He knows his letters and the sound they make, but that's about it. He's definitely not putting words together and reading like some of the kids in his class (they are also doing math that's above his level - which is again why I wish he could be in preschool this year, but I need to get over it). But his teacher thinks he will catch up soon and we will just work with him at home to help him get there. She did say, "he's a confident chap!" which made me laugh. Yes, that he is!

Honestly I'm not too worried about the academic side of things - that will come in due time. As long as he is happy and wants to go to school, that's what I care about most. This week will be his first full week (he started mid week last week) so I suspect he will be totally exhausted by the end of the week. But, our five year old is really putting in the longest hours of anyone in the house right now, so I've got to give him some credit for being the most hard working Hidalgo at the moment.

Trying to ask him about his first day, but
inconveniencing Lego time.

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Halloween in the UK

I asked my friend Cara (who lives in London) if Halloween was a big deal here and she said it's getting bigger, but not nearly what it is in the US. Typically kids dress up as ghosts or bats or in stereotypically 'Halloween' related costumes whereas in the states kids wear such a wide variety of costumes. When I asked Finn several weeks back what he wanted to be for Halloween he said a Police Officer and fortunately Mary was on board with being a Firefighter (a hand me down costume from a friend that we've used every year for the past three years - score!). Last year Mary wanted nothing to do with her costume, so I was so please when she actually seemed excited about dressing up this year. It helps that she thought she was Marshall from Paw Patrol and said Finn was Chase.

Since the kids were excited about Halloween (it helps that both grandmas sent Halloween care packages ahead of time), I knew we had to do something special even if Halloween isn't as celebrated of a holiday here in England as it is back in the states. So I googled things to do in Oxford and learned that for £5 a child the kids could go trick or treating at the Oxford Castle where they got to walk through the old prison part of the castle and go into different cell blocks and parts of the castle where people in costume told stories of how their historical character ended up in the prison. They did a good job catering to the age group and it wasn't very long so held the kids' attention and was something neat to do (Miles and I probably enjoyed it more than the kids).

On the bus ride back home where they
got their second wind.

 After that we cam home and the bowl of candy I left outside had been untouched so we just assumed that trick or treating probably wasn't something that happened in our little neighborhood and started to get dinner ready when we saw a trick or treater come to the door! We learned that typically only the houses with a lit jack-o'-lantern are the ones that are passing out candy, so I'm glad we had pumpkin and a candy out front. I took the kids around to all the houses we could find in a reasonable walking distance and we hit a whopping six. Had it been the states we easily could have gone to 30 or so homes within that same area. But the kids didn't mind one bit and seemed to be just as excited. I did end up having to put more candy out in our bowl out front so we did get a few more kids.

The kids' collection of candy is so small I would feel guilty raiding it. Finn grabbed toothpaste (in addition to a treat) from one of the houses! I told him I proud of him. Mary, on the other hand, just grabbed two pieces of candy (that's my girl!).

I hope you all had a nice Halloween - no matter how big or small it was!

This kid did next to nothing to help me with this
jack-o'-lantern. He said, "I don't want to touch that nasty stuff."

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Halloween 2015 : Batkids/Firefighter/Bootiful

Halloween 2014: Firefighter and his Puppy Dog

Halloween 2013: Basketball Team

Halloween 2012: Nemo

Millets Farm

We took the kids to a pumpkin patch and corn maze today. My hopes at getting any good family pictures were quickly shut down when Mary started whining nonstop and had to be bribed with Pez for the few decent pictures I did take. This farm was only about fifteen minutes from our house and had a very large pumpkin patch which (was my first time going to an authentic one at a field), a corn maze with puzzles and games that were a bit above the kids' level, trampolines, a scary house, a pseudo petting zoo with reptiles (bleh), and a large restaurant and store area.

We did leave with a pumpkin, a few good(ish) pictures, and some apple crumble, so I'm calling it a win.

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Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It used to sit a little heavier on my heart, and while this month will always hold a tender spot in my heart, the 15th especially, the emotions surrounding this month have just changed over the years just as my grief continues to evolve.

I want to always do something to acknowledge Cale and talk about him a little more on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day/Month, but this year was the first year that we really didn't do much. In the past we've participated in walks to remember, balloon releases, and candle lighting ceremonies. I've made candles for family and friends to light, and made a bigger deal in the past about inviting others to join us. But having just moved to a new country, move in to a new (empty) house, all we did this year was include specific thanks for Cale in our prayers and light his candle. It felt a little odd - like it wasn't really enough, but I'm also at a much more comfortable and aware point in my grief where I understand that the small gestures and the big ones can hold just as much meaning.

When we flew to England I carried Cale's urn in my bag that went on the airplane with me. Unfortunately at some point it got a chip in the bottom of it. It's a very soft stone (I don't entirely remember what we ordered - I think it's marble, but maybe not). His name has had some wear to it over the years as the engraving probably wasn't super easy on a gentle stone. And there is a little more wear on his name after our recent move. 

I was pretty upset about it, and had emailed with a few friends, but my friend Brooke made me feel better when she wrote, "I know that it's his so you want to keep it pristine and perfect and protected, but I kind of love that it's a bit damaged. Because it doesn't just sit in one place untouched--it's moved and carried and loved on and traveled with. Like how many people can say their urn is so well loved that it gets chipped?"

And that helped me look at it a little differently. Cale isn't with us how we ever imagined or wanted. But we can still do our best to ensure he is a remembered and loved part of our family. Even if that means just lighting a candle and sending him love.

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