June 22, 2015

Father's Day Discovery

Yesterdays' Father's Day was nice and low key.  Miles was the lucky recipient of a wheelbarrow this year, Finn gave some cute answers to questions about Daddy, and I made an Apple cobbler. Father's Day complete. Also, by "made" I mean bought. We did spend part of the day at the beach which was enjoyable. We drove down to Jekyll Island as the beaches there are dog friendly and we brought Roscoe along for the trip. Really the day wasn't much different than our normal weekends, maybe that will change as the kids get older, but for now Father's (and Mother's) Days are pretty uneventful.

Miles and I have talked before how Father's Day doesn't sting as much for him as Mother's Day does for me. It's still a little bittersweet, but it's just different. Of course we both think about Cale a bit more and on the way home from the beach we found ourselves talking about Cale a lot and sort of walking through details of his birthday and delivery. While doing so, we made the realization that the resident who delivered Cale is now assigned to the same unit as Miles as a family medicine Doctor. He didn't remember the name of the resident (who we literally had no encounter with other than when he came in near shift change to deliver Cale) and so he never put two and two together, that he now works with this same guy, until I mentioned his name. Miles called him to see if he did his residency in 2010 at the hospital where Cale was born, and sure enough it was him. He remembers that night, but didn't remember Miles, so he never put two and two together either. I was glad he remembered Cale's delivery, though I also would hope that he would remember it. I imagine residents going through a Labor and Delivery rotation don't deliver many stillborn babies, at least I sure hope not.

When Miles got off the phone with him I started to cry. I can't really put my finger on it, but it was just pretty heavy to realize there's a connection to Cale out there that we hadn't discovered. Miles said he is curious what their next encounter will be like as I imagine Miles' phone call caught him off guard and maybe it took him a bit to process it as well - that nearly five years ago he delivered the stillborn baby of a guy he now works with. I told Miles I would like to meet him. Most people I know have a relationship with the doctor who delivered their children, but when I was pregnant with Cale I didn't have one consistent doctor. I was seen at a small clinic until the last month of my pregnancy when my care was switched to the hospital and there I was seen by whomever was on call. The doctor who told us the horrible news that Cale had died would go on to be the same doctor I saw throughout my pregnancy and delivery of Finn. We essentially picked him because of the kinds and compassion he showed us that day. However when Cale was born it was nearly midnight (11:45pm) so a different doctor and resident were present for his delivery. And now that same resident, the person who literally was the first to hold my son, one of the few to have seen him, works with Miles. Just crazy. And a heavy realization to make only one week out from Cale's birthday when my emotions are already a little (a lot) tender.

I know these days will never be what they should, but I'm glad they can still be special (or low-key) and that we can celebrate Miles being a father because of all of his children. I wish I got to see the kind of relationship he would have had with Cale and I wish he got to hold all his kids yesterday. And while I'm so glad Finn and Mary (and Roscoe) got to love on Dadda yesterday,  I couldn't help think back to the day I saw him as a father for the first time as he gently held our first born son. It confirmed what I knew all along, Miles is a wonderful dad and all my kids are so lucky to be loved by him.

Someone didn't want to be rinsed off after the beach



  1. I swear every blog post I'm reading today is making me cry. Including this one. Love the photo of Miles holding Mary. So darling.

  2. What an interesting connection right before Cale's fifth birthday. I hope Cale taught that resident a lot about compassion and communication and that he is a better doctor because of your family. Cute bare bottom. ;)

  3. Agree with Brooke about the photo with Mary. Her little chubby bottom - so, so cute.

    Ohhh man Caroline. That's...y'know what? It's kind of a gift. Jarring for sure, but also an incredible physical connection to Cale that you didn't have before. Something HERE that you can actually act on. How often do we get that?! The chance to talk to someone who actually saw him. Held him, if even just for a few seconds. To learn how Cale changed him. Because he just HAD to have, right? Changed how this man practices, approaches births and expecting parents? I'd like to be all "meant to be" about it, that it's actually Cale reaching out, giving you this connection NOW, so close to his birthday.
    Maybe it is. But I would never presume such a thing or put in on another parent as a push to accept the idea as such. A sticky wicket, thoughts like that.

    I had other thoughts written and suffice to say our new computer is giving me fits. But it was along the lines of hoping you get to meet this man. Hoping he and Miles have a great conversation next time they see each other. Hoping that this gives you MORE of Cale, how Cale made a difference to people outside of his family. I mean, to have another person on the planet that saw Cale, held him even if just for a few seconds, and to have access to that person? Incredible.

    The last thing I'd been writing was how much I was enjoying typing Cale's name in this comment (which was more than it appears now since I lost so much). Much like how I love hearing people call Cate "Anna" by accident. It's my favorite kind of accident. When people say her name in reference to HER, not some other Anna that got to live.

    xo Cale

  4. Wow. That resident being someone who works with Miles now? That's incredible. I know it shouldn't be super surprising, but also just kind of sweet to know he is still around and one of the only people who saw, let alone held, your firstborn.

    That photo with Miles and Mary... swoon. There's something about a baby just plopping on the shoulder of their papa doing that arm tuck thing. It fully means trust and love and all of that goodness.

  5. Wow, what an incredible (and I imagine jarring!) discovery, to connect with one of the few people who got to see and touch and hold your precious son this side of heaven.

    One of the girls in my prayer group is a resident and just finished her OB rotation, tragically she was witness to five full-term losses (one set of twins) during the rotation. She said she knows it is sacred work, but she has just been torn apart. I'm in awe of those who show up time and again with such care and compassion. I really hope you get to meet that resident.