January 10, 2011

Hope

I don't think I ever understood how important Hope is until recently. We probably wouldn't have tried for another baby if we had lost hope. Hope is very different than anything else. I don't think it's the same as having faith. To me having faith involves having a little more trust and certainty in your lives. I certainly have faith about things, but sometimes, I rely on hope to get through.

The last couple of days have been a little hard. Last week after we found out the wonderful news that we are expecting another little boy, I went into the nursery and I was filled with hope and excitement about the thought of getting to unpack some of the boxes that were packed up after Cale died - of getting to put the bedding back on the crib and put the clothes back in the drawers and ready a room that is mostly ready for a baby to enjoy and live in. But unfortunately those good feelings don't stay with me all the time. 

We needed to either get new blinds or put up curtains in the nursery as it currently doesn't block much sunlight. So Miles looked at some options for blinds and wanted to install them before his next business trip. He didn't really see any good options, so we thought we'd try some curtains. We bought some pretty cream ones, but they were too light. So we tried some brown ones that we have and those seemed to do the trick. And after he was done hanging them I started crying and said "I hope this all isn't for nothing."

It's hard to have those thoughts. I don't like it. And trust me, I try not to as best as possible. But every once in a while, thoughts like that creep into my mind and my heart. But fortunately they don't stay there. It definitely helps that I'm married to such a supportive and understanding person. Miles never tells me not to think like that or to just be positive. It's something we work on doing together. Instead he tells me he understands, and reassures me that no matter what happens, he will always love me. And in doing so, he helps give me hope for what is ahead.

Hope is an amazing thing. We may not know what the future holds, we may not even feel confident as we head there. But we at least have hope as we to try and get there.

Now since this isn't "unhappily" Hidalgo, I wouldn't feel right ending on a not-so-peppy note. So I'll include this picture we took yesterday. Ignore the tired, make-up free looking Caroline, but I thought this picture was another good example of how important it is to have hope. Yesterday our hearts were filled with hope for the Pack Attack! And it paid off!

 Roscoe isn't allowed to wear his Packers bandana during games as it's proved to be unlucky. 
So instead, he sported one of Miles' t-shirts. I don't think he was too thrilled about it, but he certainly looked adorable!

3 comments:

  1. I can only imagine, I hope that I may soon understand.

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  2. I teared up just now when I read the comment you made after the curtains were hung. But I do understand. I'm really glad Miles is so supportive. He seems like a great father. (Make sure you tell him I said so)

    I've never thought about it but I agree. Any old person can have hope but faith is a higher degree that only some of us can achieve. And even once we have faith it certainly is a challenge to keep it.

    It really amazes me how cooperative Roscoe is...

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  3. I think anyone can certainly see why you'd have those feelings. I think that's completely normal too. You've been through so much, and it is hope that pulls you through sometimes. Keep holding onto that hope.

    Love and prayers!

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