But as actual Mother's Day approaches, I can't help but feel on guard. I can't help but wonder how many times I will hear someone, with probably the best of intentions, wish me a Happy first Mother's Day. And I wonder what that will do for my fragile ego and how much it will sting. Because after losing Cale, I really truly did feel like I at least gained the title "Mother." Maybe I wasn't a "parent" until Finn came along and we were actually able to parent him, but a mother is something I have been for a couple of years now. And mothering a child who is no longer living can be tough work. That's why I almost always wear a Cale piece of jewelry or try to do little things, every once in awhile, that make me feel like I can still be him mom despite his absence. Sometimes, most of the time, that just means talking about him. Sharing him. Loving him.
I'm so thankful that I'll have Finn in my arms this Mother's Day. But my heart will certainly be heavy for all those who are missing loved ones.
The above pictures are Cale and the bottom ones, Finn. My sweet boys. The reason I'm a mom.
In other news - I appreciate all the kind comments people had on my last post regarding my sister-in-law Jenny. She found out that her cancer is stage 2 (which is certainly better than 3 or 4), and she will begin chemo on Thursday. It will occur every other week, possibly for the next six months. So thank you for the kindness - the prayers and well wishes are much appreciated.