TEAM DAREN

This past weekend was a busy one. We had a lot of family and friends come in from all over the country to run and support us in the 2011 Soldier Marathon that we ran in honor of Miles' brother Daren. It was a wonderful event. There ended up being over 50 people who ran as part of "Team Daren" - some running the half marathon, others the relay, and a few brave ones running the full. In addition to the runners we had a really great turnout of supporters. We all wore our Team Daren shirts (the proceeds of which go to Daren's Memorial Fund) and it was so neat to see people sprinkled throughout the almost 2,000 runners wearing a Team Daren shirt or wearing Daren's name on their runners bib.

It was absolutely wonderful to see so many people honoring not just Daren, but all those fallen heroes who deserve continual recognition. One man asked me about Daren during the run and it was nice to be able to talk about him and tell others about what a great person he was.

 I was a little apprehensive about the 13.1 miles I set out to do as I did next to no training, but it ended up going well and being a really fun, really memorable run that I completed along side my sister and close friend. Miles ran the full marathon and I'd like to brag about him for a second. First, he's an idiot because he didn't train for it. But fortunately for him, he's a very fit idiot. He came in at 3 hours, 7 minutes, a time that would qualify him for the 2012 Boston Marathon, but the registration is already closed. And the last three miles he ran in just his socks! His feet started cramping so at mile 23 he took his shoes off and carried them the rest of the way.

He was first in his age group and 16th overall. Sick, right? But I'm so proud and love bragging about him. Here are some more pictures from the race and when you get the chance please read this really great article written by one of the Team Daren participants.

 

Miles with some friends who completed the relay marathon

  With my sister and the littlest Team Daren Supporter

These amazing friends drove from Cincinnati to help and cheer us on!

 One of three Team Daren relay teams

 Proud father. Always.

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Why I Blog

I hate facebook. I like that it's reconnected me with people and kept me in touch with people on a casual basis who I would want to stay in touch with on a casual, limited, I can like your pointless status every now and again sort of way. But I hate it too. I have contemplated deleting my account several times, like after Cale died and every picture posted was of a baby or every update was from a blissfully ignorant pregnant woman. But I didn't. And I received lots of wonderful words of love and support. And I still do to this day and that helps keep my shameful love-hate affair going. I think the other reason I can't justify deleting it is because I can't explain why I hate facebook so much, but enjoy blogging. I mean this is my space to do as I see fit - post what I want, share what pictures I want, but isn't facebook the same? It's just much more in your face. I guess that's what annoys me about it. I read blogs I want to read. Facebook just throws it all out there. I think the concept of Twitter is retarded and facebook really is the same thing. I don't care if you are cooking dinner or how fast you ran five miles. I don't need a play-by-play of people's daily lives. But then again, aren't I giving a play-by-play of our lives via this blog? Ugh, I don't know.

But what I do know is there are some people who have, thanks to facebook, really reached out to me when and since Cale died and given me these little virtual hugs when I need them. One of them is someone I consider a friend, despite the fact that I haven't seen her since high school and we weren't even super close then. But Jessica has just been very supportive and very kind since we lost Cale. People like that really stand out to me - the people who don't have to experience profound grief to "get it," and to let you know that they're thinking of you and that your baby, a total stranger to them, mattered and made a difference.

What am I writing about? Right, why I blog in the first place. Miles was telling me how I have task ADD - it's very true, I will start cleaning one place and get distracted and go work on a project somewhere else leaving bits and pieces of things that need to be cleaned or accomplished everywhere I go. The same goes for this post I suppose. Anywhoo. . . why do I blog? Well I want to keep our family and friends up to date one what's going on and provide more info than just a caption under a picture. But it also has been very therapeutic for me. A lot of the blogs I follow are those of others who are grieving the loss of a baby. And making these connections has helped me so much in my own grief. To give and receive support really means so much. It's really our way of parenting our children. We get to do something - be it leave a few kind words or share a few special pictures that we are doing for or because of our children. And lastly, it's been nice to spew my emotions out for those who have not experienced this profound loss. To hopefully help them better understand.

So, back to Jessica. Well she recently, again thanks to that bastard facebook, sent me this sweet message:

"wanted you to know that a few weeks ago a coworker who I don't know very well started talking to me about losing her son, and while it was a challenging conversation, I felt so much more confident talking to her and relating to her because of how well you've communicated what you've gone through. Her situation was different - her water broke at 24 weeks and she was forced to deliver at that point (don't know the details, medically) but it clearly was challenging for her to talk about it. I guess my point in this message is just to thank you and commend you for how you've handled everything and let you know that your blog, etc are helping others pay it forward"

My friend Sarah recently said something similar to me. She encouraged me to keep mothering Cale by writing about him, talking about him, about my emotions as it helps her understand better and relate to others who go through tragedy.

I didn't set out to "teach" others about loss, but am glad that in my ramblings and in my grieving for my son, I may have been able to do that. But mostly I'm thankful that people are willing to listen and learn. That they not only care for what I have to say, but that they care for Cale, the little guy who continues to leave his impact on this great big world.

Two Years Ago {Yesterday}

On October 27, 2009 I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. I started to write this blog yesterday (while at work like any good government employee) but I wanted to include a picture. Well after I got home, we had the normal end of the day routine (change, clean up, wash bottles, ready bottles for the next day, nurse Finn, etc) and then we got ready to have some friends over for dinner and after they left I was so exhausted I never got around to finishing this post.

 I've recently started a new prescription, but one of the side effects is drowsiness. And boy was I feeling it yesterday. I slugged my way through work and after our dinner date, I was asleep within 20 minutes of our guests leaving. And not the ready-for-bed kind of sleep, but the I fell asleep on the couch in my jeans with my make up on, while Miles put the baby to bed kind. I didn't wake up until after midnight to actually get up and go to bed. Pathetic. And when I woke up I was mad that I didn't get this blog posted on the 27th. I felt guilty because I wrote about the year mark of finding out I was pregnant with Finn - I should have done the same for Cale. Silly maybe, but it's how my brain works.

But anyway, back to the point of this particular post . . .so yeah, two years ago yesterday, I took a pregnancy test not actually thinking I would be pregnant. But I was. And I was shocked. Excited, but shocked. I took the test after Miles had already left for work. Not totally convinced it was true, I decided that I'd take another when I returned and if that was positive, I would tell Miles. Well, wouldn't ya know it, that test was positive as well.

I allowed Roscoe to break the news to Miles when he got home.

While the end of the pregnancy was horribly tragic, I loved my time with Cale, right from the very start with that happy memory that I hope to replay and enjoy every October 27th (give or take a day).

Also, I really appreciate all the kind comments on my last blog. My dad had his surgery yesterday and it went well. He's still in the hospital until tomorrow at least, but my mom said the Doctor told her that everything went just fine and that there were no surprises. Thanks for the support and prayers. Please keep them coming while he faces a pretty rough next few weeks.

Prayers, Petitions and Red Necks

My dad was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer.  We are optimistic that it was caught early and after a thorough bone scan, it looks as though it has not spread elsewhere. In four days he will undergo surgery and hopefully will begin a complete, albeit lengthy and uncomfortable, recovery. So prayers, well wishes, and positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated for his upcoming surgery and recovery.

My amazing sister (who turned 30 today!) is taking leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to help my dad after he's discharged from the hospital. I know he's really looking forward to having her there - not only is she a nurse, but I know it'll do his spirits good to have his daughter there with him. FMLA is a great thing, but there is a Petition to Congress that is circulating which would make it even better by expanding coverage to those who experience the death of a child. I was actually surprised that this wasn't already something FMLA covered. If you want to sign this petition you can do so by clicking here. When I did, I made an additional comment that I hope it covers when a child dies in utero or during birth. After delivering Cale I remember asking how much time I would have off work. I was worried that because my baby did not live, I would have to go back sooner. Fortunately the Army gave me the same amount of maternity leave one is entitled to after delivering a living baby. And while going back to work was really hard, I couldn't fathom having to do so any sooner or not having job security as I planned funeral arrangements and grieved the loss of my son. So please sign the petition and spread the word.

On a MUCH less serious note, and totally off topic, Miles and I did just about the most red-neck thing we've done since living in ole Georgia. We attended a David Allen Coe concert this weekend. Had we been sporting any of the following we would have fit in much better:

-Flannel
-Cowboy Boots
-Overalls
-Real Tree Apparel
-Belt Buckle (of the ginormous variety)
-Mullet
-Bandanna
-Raccoon Hat
-Harley Davidson Apparel

David Allen Coe walked to the stage with the assistance of several people and a cane. But I suppose after a life of drugs and booze, it's impressive that at 72 he's even still performing. . . .or alive for that matter.

Here's a short video from the concert. And using the word "concert" probably implies it was a bigger event than it was. At most I would say there were 200 other hillbillies at this softball field to listen to this crazy old man. And I'm not exaggerating when I say that I think I was the only sober person present.

And if that little teaser wasn't enough, here's the full version of the song.