Today I ordered a book called "The Belly Book" which is a way to document/journal your pregnancy. I've been keeping a journal already and I did with Cale and plan to with all the pregnancies. But this book has areas for pictures at throughout the weeks/months, so it just seemed like a cute way to capture all the memories of this experience.
I have an appointment in one week and am optimistic that we'll get to hear the heartbeat. I'll be just over ten weeks and we heard Cale's heartbeat at exactly ten weeks. Once we hear the heartbeat, we are going to tell our family. I'm excited to tell them. I'm excited and nervous. There are pros and cons to telling people. One of the big pros is that there will be a support group, should something go wrong, and even if nothing goes wrong, there will be people praying for us and helping me through this journey. But part of the reason we haven't told family, and part of the reason I wanted to wait until we've seen and heard a heartbeat, is because I don't want to put them through the emotional stress that will come with this. And it's not just putting them through it, but it's also a little selfish in that when others worry it might cause me to worry or if something bad happened, and others were sad, it might make me more sad. I don't really know how to explain it, but I guess I just don't want to have to worry about comforting others, reassuring them that I'm ok. That sounds terrible and selfish, but I just want this to be as enjoyable and stress free as possible.
And Miles is getting antsy to tell people. I can just tell. I think he's excited and just ready to let people know. He's nervous too, but I love that he's also excited. I think that's why this whole thing will be such a roller coaster. We really are so excited and sometimes, most of the time lately, I feel really optimistic that everything will be ok and then sometimes I get nervous and think I'm being naive and try to keep myself grounded. But it's not like it'll make it any less hard should anything happen. So I think that's why I'm ok with being happy and being optimistic. If this pregnancy is all I have with this baby, then I want to love every minute of it! And I don't think that's a negative thought, Maybe some people would, but I think that's how all of life should be lived. If "this" (whatever "this" happens to be - life, pregnancy, high school, whatever!), but if this is all we have, then why not make the most of it!?