November 9, 2010

Flicker

Ultrasounds are scary. At least for anyone who has experienced a loss. Today was my first prenatal appointment. According to my calculations (since I'm nuts and can actually pin-point ovulation), I'm six weeks, three days. I knew this was still early and sometimes you don't see the heartbeat that early. The past two days I was feeling good - great even. I was optimistic and really excited and hopeful about the ultrasound. Today I was still excited, but also very nervous. I thought it would be hard to look at the screen, but I felt glued to it. She pointed out this little white dot and said, "that's baby right there." That alone made me feel SO MUCH better. I was worried about a blighted ovum, or any of the number of things I've read about that have left me scared and worried. I then just kept my eyes locked on that little white dot. And I swear I saw some flickers. I was about to ask and she said that she could see a heartbeat, but the machine they were using was making it hard to see because of the gel (on the probe used for the ultrasound). She asked if I wanted to see it on another machine. Of course I said yes. And of course I was crying a little. But it was a good cry. There was a developing baby in there - a baby with a heartbeat! The new machine wasn't much better, but we all saw it. Miles, me, the doc, and the ultrasound tech. She said everything looked good and looked like what it should at this point in the pregnancy. She measured and sure enough. . . .six week, three days :)

I'm so relieved, but still not ready to tell people. It's too early and unfortunately we know all too well that anything can happen. I have another appointment in three weeks, but just for a records transfer and then another OB appointment and ultrasound shortly after that. So hopefully I'll go in and see a developing baby, with a heartbeat! Maybe we'll even get to hear it. That will be music to my ears!

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