9+ Months

Well, it's officially been over nine months since Cale was born. Maybe that doesn't seem too significant, but I was worried about that day (the nine month mark) since early on in this whole grief journey. I always thought it would be a tough milestone to hit because it meant that every day after would mean I've lived longer without Cale than I did with him. And that didn't sit well with me for awhile.

But the closer I got to the date the less it bothered me. For one I didn't think about it too much, but when I did I realized that after he was born came the harsh reality that my whole life would be lived without him. And it's only without him here physically. And sometimes that hurts more than others. Sometimes I ache for the little boy I never got to know. But he's with me all the time regardless of if he's standing (or crawling) in front of me. He's in my heart for the rest of my life and that's something that nine months or nine years can't change.

 

"Before you were born I carried you under my heart. From the moment you arrived in this world until the moment I leave it, I will always carry you in my heart."