August 17, 2011

Reasons to Celebrate

I went to a baby shower today. I was very torn about it. For one, I don't even know the Mom. She works in the same organization but until today I had literally never even seen her before. And for two, babies showers will never be the same for me. I feel like I should always be pointing out that you are just "expecting" a baby, but you aren't guaranteed one. I hate that I feel that way, but mostly I hate why I feel that way. I don't want to be a downer. I'm so thankful that I had a beautiful and full pregnancy with Cale (as it was with Finley only 1000x more nerve wracking). I feel like that's how pregnancy should be - happy, blissful, enjoyable. An expectant mom certainly deserves that. But then, the bitter and hurt part of me feels like expectant moms should also be aware of the cruel world we live in. They shouldn't be so naive and they better appreciate every single second of their pregnancies.

A friend I work with was sudo-hosting the shower and was worried that no one would be there. It was a pot-luck shower so I said I'd make a dessert regardless of if I came or not and brought a gift from my company. The sudo-host had sent out an e-mail to a lot of people at work, hoping to round up some support and attendees. And in her e-mail she said, "Celebration is always in order when a child is being brought into the world." And you know what . . .she's right. So I decided to go. This may be sad/horrible/true/whatever of me to say - but we don't know how that baby will be brought into the world. He many be born alive. He may not. (yes, she's having a boy and yes it's her first - so kudos to me for going right?!) She's about three weeks away from her due date, so anything tragic certainly can happen. Of course I hope not. I hope that she has a healthy delivery. I hope her baby gets to live. I hope that she can continue on with life blissfully happy, not jaded or bitter. And the sad reality is that if she does get all this, I will be happy that her little guy made it, but I will be sad that Cale didn't. I will feel sorry for myself and wonder why my first had to die. And that's just part of the reality for baby loss moms, or families for that matter. Our grief for our children and our sadness over what has happened sometimes clouds our happiness for others. It sucks, but it's reality.

The shower itself wasn't too bad. I cringed at one point when she laughed about how she was unable to give up her Monsters (the giant energy drink) and had at least one a day. {again, bitter and hurt (and responsible) Caroline thought "tisk, tisk you shouldn't have that much caffeine while pregnant"}, but overall I didn't feel like too much of a Debbie-Downer. She's having a baby and that is a wonderfully exciting thing. Babies are great. So I'm glad I went, if nothing else to help me focus on things like what my friend pointed out . . . that a celebration is in order - a life has already been created and that life deserves to be celebrated an acknowledged. I'm sure glad that was the case for both Finn and Cale during my pregnancies with them.

So today I celebrated the upcoming arrival of a little boy. If you had to pick just one reason to celebrate today, what would it be?

5 comments:

  1. I am proud of you for going to the shower and celebrating this new life, even though I know that it was hard for you. Oh to be that naive again.

    I think you know what I am celebrating these days...a sweet baby girl who is kicking and nudging me as I type (even though the typing HURTS :)

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  2. Yep, I agree that ALL lives are worth celebrating. Except my jealousy is fierce and I have a hard time. Still not sure when baby showers will be comfortable enough for me to attend again. I will gladly buy a gift and send flowers or food. But attendance is not something I'm ready for.

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  3. That's a nice way to look at baby showers. Yes, all lives are worth celebrating, but it isn't fair we know a secret that those blissful moms can ignore.

    I cringed when I read the monster energy drink part too...tsk tsk indeed and yet it is what it is.

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  4. I'm sure the shower was tough, but what a great attitude you have.

    So thankful today (and everyday!) that I get to celebrate the gift of new life within!

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  5. You are a nice lady. I would be freaking out too much to do that just yet.

    I am thankful for my hubby. Today, and everyday. Because one day (hopefully, soon) he's going to give me another baby to grow in my ute, and love in my arms. please, please, please. :)

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