October 20, 2011

One Year Ago Today. . .

  . . .I quietly woke up and let Miles sleep in as he usually has to be up so early and for some reason didn't have to be that day. I crept into the bathroom, took a pregnancy test and before even looking at it, I placed it on the edge of the bathtub and got in the shower. While showering I just knew that I would get out and find a positive pregnancy test waiting for me.

I was right. And so, so happy.

I quietly got dressed and went downstairs. I made a silly little breakfast of eggo waffles (don't judge me, they're delicious) and orange juice and brought it upstairs to Miles. Only I put "I'm Pr " on the plate next to the eggo . . . I'm preEGGO.

Miles looked down at the plate, up at me, and was genuinely happy. We sat on the bed, shared our eggo's with Roscoe, and just talked about how happy we were to be pregnant again but the complex emotions that came with it and the fact that it was a bittersweet moment of missing Cale, wishing he were with us, but thankful for the new life within.

It's hard to believe that one year ago today I learned I was carrying our sweet little Finn who became such a source of hope for us.  I often ask Finn if he knows how much I love him and tell him over and over that we love him so very much because we loved him even before he was conceived. Just like Cale, we loved the idea of him and the idea of our lives with him. I was thinking the other day how babies after loss are sometimes viewed as the light at the end of a dark tunnel. But I think that instead he's just my light along the way. Giving birth to him didn't change how much I still miss and grieve for Cale. But he adds a light to our lives that I can't imagine not having. And I don't ever want him to feel that he was a replacement. I want him to always know how much he's loved for being who he is and try to thank him often for just being him. Just uniquely, wonderfully, perfectly him.

So in celebration of our awesome little guy and the happy news he brought us a year ago today, here are a few cute videos. . . .enjoy!

And just for good measure I'll include this ridiculous picture. Don't worry, this was only done to satisfy the curiosity of my retard husband. As soon as the picture was taken, the bjorn came off the dog.


  1. I love the preggo waffle :) Very cute! And the picture of Finn with the doggie is adorable! Your hubby is funny!

  2. I just love the last video! I can't wait til Naomi starts "talking"...instead of screaming. And thanks for the reminder that we need to take more videos of her. Hope she does cool stuff like Finn, like dogback riding. I wonder at what age they can start doing that. :-)

  3. This entire post made me grin from the inside out!
    But poor Roscoe! Such a patient guy...we have yet to try a saddle on Samson ;)

  4. That last photo MADE my life. :) I love how even Finn is all, "WTF, lady?". :)

  5. Crying and then lmao... all in one post!

  6. "But I think that instead he's just my light along the way" what a beautiful thing to say. I love that. And that picture with your dog is the best!

  7. Love you, love Finn and love that crazy pup of yours! Oh, and Miles, too :)

  8. OMG, I love Roscoe wearing the Bjorn. A parenting "do" for sure!