June 24, 2013

Rainbow Weekend

A few weeks ago I made a trip to Chicago to spend three days with a group of baby loss mothers and their rainbow babies. There were FOURTEEN of us who made the trip. Fourteen broken hearted mothers who, for the most part had never met before, yet fourteen of us who could not be happier to see one another. It was not weird or awkward and despite the fact that I had only actually met two of these women before, it felt like I knew each and every one of them and only wish I had more time with them. Since losing Cale and connecting through blogs, I have met some very wonderful and genuine friends. Friends I wish I never knew, at least not under the circumstances that brought us together. We've grieved with each other, understood each other, and supported one another during some of the darkest times in our lives. I was asked recently if having another baby was what helped the most after we lost Cale and honestly the answer is no. It was a scary, anxiety filled journey filled with PTSD-esque moments. But it did give us hope and light and the end result, fortunately, was amazing. And yes, having Finn has healed me in a way I never thought possible. But I will never be fully healed. And that will never be Finn's job. What helped me the most was having this tribe. Having people I could cry with, grieve with and walk the unknown with. These bereaved and beautiful women, and many others like them, have been my biggest source of comfort and help these past three years.

But it wasn't just meeting the mamas that made the trip wonderful. Meeting the siblings of all the babies lost was equally special. Finn was the oldest of the rainbow babies, the other 13 falling between 8 and 18 months. These kids are amazing. They each have these wonderful and unique personalities and getting to love on them in person was so special.

But it was definitely bittersweet as we remembered and talked about the 15 siblings who aren't here. The big brothers and sisters they will never grow up knowing, at least not in the way any of us had hoped. Fifteen much wanted, and missed little babies who can only be loved on from afar. Sonja, wearing a sunhat in the first picture, brought gifts for each of the babies. Her mother knitted unique rainbow hats for each child. We all cried when we listened to the touching note her mother enclosed with the hats and laughed as we attempted to get a group picture. Would have helped if someone, whose name rhymes with Binn, would have kept his hat on.

For a wonderful post on just how special this picture is please read Brooke's blog

Cale's birthday is on Friday. I wish more than anything he were here to celebrate it. But I have my tribe. I have my people, and so many others, who will help us celebrate him, love on him, and remember him. And for that I'm forever grateful.



  1. How awesome is that?!?! So glad it worked out for you to go and meet up with fellow BLMs! I've thoroughly enjoyed each time I've been able to meet fellow BLMs in real life. Love the hats, by the way! :)

    Thinking of Cale always <3

  2. Always thinking of your sweet Cale!!
    Glad you had this time together!

  3. Perfectly said. I adore the photo of all the babies! Adore it! I may print it for a photo album if you do not mind. Simply beautiful.

    Thinking of you, Cale, Finn and Miles on Friday. Birthday wishes for a sweet and very loved boy.

  4. Beautiful post. I feel like a broken record, but I so very badly wish I could have been there! I appreciate that tribe of ladies so much!

    I think of you and Cale, and your family often. We'll be remembering Cale especially on Friday. Lots of love and warm hugs!

  5. Sweet Angels and amazing mamas. That picture of the siblings is just beautiful...as are Brooke's words. I'm so glad you all got to be with each other.

  6. Proud to be in the tribe of women who could be supportive of you as a mom, parent, and friend.

    You're like an old friend to me... everytime I see you, it's normal and effortless. I hope we have more opportunities to be old friends in person. :)

    As you know, I will be celebrating and thinking of Cale on his 3rd birthday this Friday. With love to the Hidalgo family always.

  7. Love this! How amazing it must have been. I will be thinking of you and your sweet firstborn this week. Love you.

  8. Our tribe is amazing. Really. And I'm so glad to call you my friend :)

    I will be celebrating and remembering Cale with you on Friday and always. Lots of love to you guys <3

  9. Beautiful post about your sweet babies as always (Brooke's too)!