June 28, 2013

Love You Forever

Miles deployed when I was 24 weeks pregnant with Cale and came home the day before he was born. Talk about timing being everything, egh? Anyway, before he left we went to Barnes & Noble and both picked out a book for our babe. Miles picked Where the Wild Things Are and I picked Love you Forever. It's always been a book that holds a special place in my heart because it's always been a book that holds a special place in my mom's heart - it was one she read to my siblings and me when we were little. We went on to receive two more copies of it - I can't remember if it was when I was pregnant with Cale or Finn, but to this day we still own all three copies.

Back in August I ordered this picture of Cale's name beautifully written on an Australian beach by an artist and baby loss mother herself.

The picture was first posted on Carly Marie's website where I could purchase a digital copy of it. She had a form you filled out with your baby's name and birthdate and whatever else you wanted displayed on her site the day the picture was posted. I chose the verse from  Love You Forever.

“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
as long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”


So I've always loved this book, not only for its connection to myself and my mom, but to Cale as well.

Well, it gets even more special.

A couple weeks ago a friend shared this blog with me in which I learned that Robert Munsch, the author of Love You Forever, wrote the book as a tribute to his stillborn babies, two boys, born in 1979 and 1980. On his website he explained:


Love You Forever started as a song.
“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
as long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”
I made that up after my wife and I had two babies born dead. The song was my song to my dead babies. For a long time I had it in my head and I couldn't even sing it because every time I tried to sing it I cried. It was very strange having a song in my head that I couldn't sing.
For a long time it was just a song but one day, while telling stories at a big theatre at the University of Guelph, it occurred to me that I might be able to make a story around the song.
Out popped Love You Forever, pretty much the way it is in the book.
........................................

So here we are, three years from the death and birth of our first son. We'll celebrate him tonight as best we can, but of course I wish we were celebrating with him. I wish I knew so much more about Cale. I wish I knew the kind of three year old he would have become. I wish I knew what his little voice would have sounded like or what his favorite toy would be right now. There's not much I know about him, but I know this much:

“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
as long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”

................................................................................................

18 comments:

  1. Oh Caroline,

    Loving Cale, today and always.

    I woke and thought about your sweet boy this morning. I so wish he was here with you too.

    I don't know what 3 years feels like.. but you are amazing to me in how painfully beautiful you've walked this path.

    That book melts my heart. Even more so now. I got it as a gift when Theo was born, but it's always made me think of Alexander.

    Happy Birthday Sweet Cale. Love you always

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  2. Loved he is.

    How very, very loved he is. Happy Birthday, Cale. We miss you everyday.

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  3. Happy Birthday Cale!
    You're all loved!
    xoxo

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  4. Happy Birthday Cale!
    You're all loved!
    xoxo

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  5. Beautiful as always. Love to you and your family today and always.

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  6. Happy birthday sweet Cale. So loved, so missed and always remembered.

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  7. Happy Birthday sweet Cale. And thinking of you Caroline xxxxxxxxxxx

    P.s. The story means a lot to me too. I used the verse on Finley's prayer flag and on many other things. I have a video of Robert Munsch singing the song on this post http://www.thestarsapart.com/2012/06/love-you-forever.html

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  8. Like Veronica, I woke up this morning thinking of Cale. He will always be loved xoxo

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  9. "There's not much I know about him, but I know this much". That line takes my breath away. Wish you knew all Cale's favorite things, but yes to the love part. Forever and always. Happy 3rd birthday Cale. Xoxo

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  10. Oh I love that book as well...the book means so much more now. Happy Birthday Cale. xoxo

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  11. Sending light and love to you. Holding you all in my heart.

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  12. Happy birthday Cale.

    I've been thinking of you a lot this week, and of your sweet boy even more. One of my client's has the last name "Cale" and it makes me smile everytime I see it (and he's a nice guy, so there's that).

    Here's to Cale's third birthday. Love you forever little boy.

    xox momma.

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  13. Thinking of you, your family and especially Cale. Xoxo

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  14. Thinking you and your family, but most importantly sweet Cale. Happy Birthday Buddy!

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  15. Wow, I never knew the story behind that amazing book.
    We love you sweet Cale.

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  16. Wow, I never knew the story behind that amazing book.
    We love you sweet Cale.

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  17. You all and sweet baby Cale are in my heart tonight, Caroline.

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  18. Just the most beautiful tribute to your boy. I am in awe of you and the way you honor him as well as your own experience of him.

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