January 18, 2014

Sibling Similarities

As I was compiling pictures of Mary for my last post, I couldn't help but realize how some of her expressions are just like some of Finn's early expressions. I love seeing the similarities and find it fascinating how some siblings can look so much alike and others not nearly as much. I went back to some of Finn's early pictures and decided to put some side by sides together of the ones that stood out to me the most.

And then there are these two pictures. Which I love. But. . .

But I have a memory of holding Cale in that exact same position, wrapped in that exact same blanket, I just don't have a picture of it. I will always regret, and always desperately wish, that I had taken more pictures of our time with him. I wish that I could compare his early expressions to that of his siblings. Knowing that Finn and Mary have so many resemblances of one another, all the while being their own person, just makes me ache that much more for Cale. I wonder who he would have looked more like, and how unique he would have been. I know a few things and am grateful for that. But it's just not nearly enough and I feel that I'm always searching for him in his siblings, especially when they are infants.

I see more of him in Mary than I did in Finn. Mary's hair is more like Cale's - all of my children were born with lots of dark brown hair, but Mary has the most, and while hers is mostly straight, it has these slight waves in it that are more like Cale's. Finn and Mary both have a double crown in the back of their hair which makes me wonder if Cale did too. When I held him I didn't specifically look at the back of his head.

I also think Mary has Cale's lips (Finn seems to have gotten the most luscious of the bunch) and those close to me who have seen Cale's pictures have commented that they see a strong resemblance to Mary whereas I didn't hear that as often with Finn. 

Just as I did with Finn, I find myself searching for Cale when Mary sleeps. I gaze at her soft skin and sweet little nose and I look for the baby who came first. I'm so thankful for her and her individuality, but also so thankful for the moments when I catch glimpses of both her brothers. It has been my greatest joy to see the person Finley is turning into and I can't wait to experience the same with Mary. But I'll forever wonder who Cale would have become and forever wish I could have seen him grow from a beautiful baby into a beautiful little person.



  1. From the first photo you sent me of Mary I instantly saw Cale. Of course, now that I see the side by side the resemblance with Finn is uncanny as well. I love how all your babies look so similar! Ava and Lillian were nearly identical at birth and I wonder constantly if Lillian would still look like her sister if she had gotten a chance to grow.

  2. I see the lips. The shape is so similar. All of your babies are so beautiful.

    I see Mary and Finn almost twin like on your lap.

    It is an ache I can understand. Theo has changed so dramatically since his newborn stage. At around 12 weeks+ he just kept turning into a completely different baby. dropped the dark hair and darker skin. If you side by side his baby pix to current... you'd never know it's him. And I wonder about Alexander. Would he have changed so dramatically too? I always picture him to have stayed with darker hair... more olive skin, and more like is dad. But I'll never know if he too would have turned into a little strawberry golden blond peachy skin toned babe like Theodore.

    I can only imagine what having number 3 is like to make you ache even more for your first born. I can only assume that one baby no. 3 or 30, that ache would remain the same.

    Searching for Cale with you. Loving him always.

    Such little sweet babes. 1, 2, 3. Love them all.

  3. searching for cale...i love and dislike this line! love that you can search for him in two babies but hate that you have to search for him because he's not with you!
    that last pic of all three...love it! you gonna frame it?!

  4. Beautiful babies. I feel so much of the same as you describe here, all of it, really. When people stop to remark on the similarities or differences between E and M, I am always only halfway there with them, wondering wondering wondering what we would have said about Anja.

  5. Beautiful, perfect babies. All of them. I love seeing them pictured together, and I can just feel your ache of not being able to have them all together in person.

    Your words made me wonder (as I have a few times before) "and what do you look like now, sweet Cale?" which immediately made me realize how his dear mama must must wonder the same so very, very often. It brought me once again to one tine sliver of the reality that you live with every day that so many of us just don't understand. Thank you for continuing to give us a window into that painful reality so that maybe we can understand just a little more. I think however much he looks like his siblings...and whatever he is doing right now...Cale's smile must be absolutely brilliant.

  6. Gosh, those babies of yours are simply divine. It's amazing how they have such similarities, especially to biggest brother Cale.

    I especially love that photo of Finn and Mary side-by-side with their cute round bellies sticking out. I just want to bite them. :)

  7. Beautiful beautiful babies! All three of them!

  8. I agree -- all three of your babies are perfect. Just beautiful. And amazing the resemblance between Finn and Mary! It must be so much fun to watch that unfold. I think it's perfectly understandable that the experience would make you ache for the child who isn't physically with you. I hope that with that pain comes some comfort in knowing that Cale's best traits live on through his siblings. You're a wonderful mom to all three of your children.

  9. Man they really have so many similar expressions! Love that all three of your babes look so much alike. They are all beautiful!

    I see so much of Aiden in Mason and Caden and it makes me happy and sad at the same time- for what we have and what we're missing. In those moments when they are sleeping though it is amazing how much of their oldest siblings can be seen in these sweet rainbows <3