Obligatory Easter Post

  

 Are these all mine? 

Ok let's hurry up and take these pictures.

  

I have a huppy to play with. 

 

Lellow egg.

 

Egg cell phone. Hallo.

 

  Forget pictures mom. Let's swing. This way is fun.

 Family Picture on Cale's bench. Happy Easter.

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Kale

My sister-in-law Jenny and I took the boys to the park this week. They were running around playing, going down the "lide" (slide) and having fun in the swings. It was a really pretty day and the sun was out. Finn wouldn't let go of his snack cup and held it the whole time while he played on the playground. There were a few older boys playing, but they mostly kept to themselves. Then Finn ran by one, he must have been about eleven, give or take a year. He saw Finn and said "Well hi. You're cute." Finn looked up, but didn't say hi back so I spoke for him. "Can you say 'hi, my name is Finn?'" "That's a neat name" he replied. "Thanks," I said, "what's your name?"

"My name's Kale."

I always knew that at some point I would meet another Cale. I did once during my pregnancy with him - it was a toddler in my friend's daughter's daycare. And I know other people who know Cales. But since having our own, I've never met another. I was almost surprised to hear it was his name, not because I wasn't expecting it (which I wasn't as it's not a common name), but because I guess I irrationally always thought that I'd meet a little boy named Cale who was born in the summer of 2010. Who was the age my Cale should be. I don't know why I thought that, but just knew that when I met a Cale it would make my heart skip a beat and cause me to pause.

And it did. I got that almost nervous feeling you get right before speaking in front of a large group or are in an uncomfortable situation.

But it was a fleeting feeling and after my initial response of "really, you're name is Cale?"  "Yes Ma'am," he said, I just smiled, pointed to Finn and said, "that's his brother's name too."

"Oh neat."
"Do you spell it C-A-L-E?"
"No, I'm K-A-L-E like the vegetable."
"You're actually the first other Cale that I've met"
"Really? Well your son is the first one I've ever heard of either."
"Well, it's a great name."
"Thanks. His name (motioning to Finn) is neat too"
"Thank you."

He was a really sweet kid. I found myself creepily watching him from time to time before we left the park. His brother bumped into another kid and started crying when he bit his tongue. He ran over and asked if he was ok. He also went up to another, much younger, boy on the playground asking if he wanted to join their game of tag.

I think it made my heart especially happy that this particular Kale was kind. If he had been a little punk I would have wanted to smack him and tell him not to ruin the name. But he wasn't. He was a good boy with nice manners and the best name.

It was a nice day.

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March Expeditions

Between long weekends and Miles having some block leave, we've really been able to get out and explore this month which has been really nice. We've hit up Dallas, Houston, Brenham, and New Orleans recently and I just wanted to recap some of the highlights from each.

And because he's the most spoiled pup ever, we brought Roscoe along everywhere we went:

La Quinta's love the Pups, so we love La Quinta.

Dallas:
We went up to Dallas twice this month. The first was when Miles attended a weekend long CrossFit weightlifting seminar. While he was at the gym, Finn and I explored the town.

Dallas Aquarium:
I didn't take too many pictures as it was super crowded and hard to really see too much without waiting in long lines and trying to push my way through with the stroller. Finn seemed to enjoy what he did see though.

Dallas Zoo:
The zoo was much more successful than the aquarium as we went shortly after they opened when there was barely anyone else there. This meant that Finn could run around and I didn't have to worry about him getting out of my sight. Also, we got to feed a giraffe and see the animals up close without many people around. He loved the lions and kept saying "rawr" and kept calling the elephants "huppy." He made monkey noises when he saw the monkeys and loved seeing the horses and ponies in the children's section of the zoo. I just loved seeing him recognize so many animals and make their respective sounds. We definitely will hit up another zoo sometime soon.

Perot Museum of Nature and Science:
We hit up this museum on our more recent trip up to Dallas. The pictures do not do it justice for just how much it had to offer and all the different exhibits.

Houston:
When I was young, I was obsessed with the movie Apollo 13 and it got me so totally enamored with the space program, astronauts, etc. So while in Houston we went to the Space Center to fulfill my childhood dreams. It was really neat, don't get me wrong - but we just did the Space Center part which is really catered to young kids and Finn is too young to be a space/science geek - fingers crossed he will be though! I wish he had more time and did the tour of NASA. Maybe another time though.

We also met up with my friend Natasha and her family while in Houston which I mentioned in my last post.

New Orleans:
After Houston we drove to New Orleans. I had never been before and it was exactly what I thought it would be - though I'm sure it's an entirely different city when you aren't exploring it with a toddler. We ate beignets at Cafe Du Monde which were worth every minute waiting in line, checked out the St. Louis Cathedral, toured the World War II Museum which was amazing, and ate things like alligator and listened to jazz on just about every street corner. Not many pictures, but I thought the one of Finn was cute. We were in the French Quarter and he saw a statue of Andrew Jackson on a horse and kept saying "nehh."

Brenham
On our way back home we stopped in Brenham, Texas to tour the Blue Bell Ice Cream factory. It's mostly a southern distributed ice cream, so if you live in a state that doesn't have it - just trust me when I say you're missing out. They gave out huge free samples at the end of the tour, even one for Finn, but he was kind to share the majority of it with Mama. Smart boy.

That's it for our travels this month, but we have also had some visitors. First my dear friend Anna came out for a few days which was wonderful, but even more exciting when she left as she got engaged shortly after!

After Anna left, Miles' brother and his family arrived. They are living with us until they find and close on a house in Austin. Finn is loving having his cousins here - more on that later as having three little Hidalgos in the house, three and under, are worthy of their own post.

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#17

Number 17 on my list of things to do before I'm thirty is to get together with some of my baby loss/blog friends. I have already succeeded in doing this TWICE and the best part is that I'll get to meet more this summer. First, I met Brandy and her family when they came to Texas for a wedding:

 Andrew and Benjamin's Momma

Then I got to meet Natasha and her family when we took a little road trip to Houston recently:

Aiden and Mason's Momma

This summer I'm going to be getting together with several other baby loss friends who I've connected with over the years. If anyone is interested in joining us, shoot me an email - the more the merrier. It's going to feel like a great big reunion when in reality most of us have never even met before. This community has been the best thing for me in regards to being able to really grieve for Cale and the complexities of losing a child, in particular losing one to stillbirth as many of my friends lost children in similar fashions. When I talk about these women I find myself saying, "my friend" when again, I haven't even met most of them, yet I really meant that. These connections, through support groups and blogging, emailing and link ups, have formed genuine and wonderful friendships that I'm beyond grateful for, but of course not a single one of us wishes we knew each other. At least not under the circumstances that we do. One of life's cruel and beautiful things I suppose.

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Happily Hidalgo?

I sometimes think I should change my blog name. I came up with it a few months after we lost Cale and sometimes I wonder what the heck I was thinking when I picked something so peppy and, well, happy sounding. I guess I was thinking that in spite of all we had just gone through I was so happy to have Miles, happy to be a Hidalgo and hopeful that one day we would have a little family who just had a version of happy ever after that also had some really, really sad parts to it.

And then a few months after I started the blog Daren was killed. And then my dad had cancer and Jenny too and then we had a miscarriage and holy crap is our family cursed!?!

No. We've just had some sad things happen. Horrible things. And I like to write about all these things because this is real and difficult stuff, because it's life. Miles and I were just talking that while yes, our family may have had a bit more than your fair share of unfortunate events, we've also had a lot less than some people. While we sometimes wonder why it seemed like this stuff never happened before, the reality is that stillbirth, cancer, even Soldiers dying - it's all been going on for a very long time. As you grow older you just become more and more exposed to it all. Some, like ourselves, more exposed than others.

This past week three West Point graduates passed away. Both Miles and I lost a classmate. If you have a minute (and you probably do) please take a moment to read a little about them and maybe even leave a nice message for their family members who are hurting so much right now - you can post a eulogy by clicking the top left link on the top of the following pages:

Captain Sara Cullen and Captain Andrew Pedersen-Keel

So, should I change the blog name? And if so, what to? I would probably try to figure out a way to change the web address too - I know you can do that somehow. Or should I just leave it? My blogs fluctuate so much between happy and sad. The last two posts are evidence of that. One minute it's what's going on in our lives, then how adorable Finn is, how much I still miss Cale, random post about nothing in particular, random sad thing I wanted to write about/share, Finn is so awesome, I love my dog but look what he did, Finn is seriously awesome - he slept until 9:30 this morning! (true story), another sad post about something probably related to baby loss, look at this furniture I re-did, something deep and meaningful, something trivial and silly, etc, etc, etc. I've kind of decided that the main reason I blog is so I don't have to scrapbook. I'm getting off track, but seriously, so much of what I write about doesn't seem appropriate under a title containing any form of the word 'happy'.

But back to the main topic at hand - the reason I wanted to write a post tonight is mostly to share those two links. The war is so far from over, but our society is so far removed from it. But for the families of Sara and Andrew, and the 6,675 other US Soldiers who have been killed, their lives are forever changed. The sad thing is I'm processing all this news, all this death, and grief, and heartache so much differently these days. It's awful and horrible and will always be, but there is a part of me that has had to learn (the hard way) that it's also just part of life. As much as we wish it weren't.

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