March 16, 2013

Happily Hidalgo?

I sometimes think I should change my blog name. I came up with it a few months after we lost Cale and sometimes I wonder what the heck I was thinking when I picked something so peppy and, well, happy sounding. I guess I was thinking that in spite of all we had just gone through I was so happy to have Miles, happy to be a Hidalgo and hopeful that one day we would have a little family who just had a version of happy ever after that also had some really, really sad parts to it.

And then a few months after I started the blog Daren was killed. And then my dad had cancer and Jenny too and then we had a miscarriage and holy crap is our family cursed!?!

No. We've just had some sad things happen. Horrible things. And I like to write about all these things because this is real and difficult stuff, because it's life. Miles and I were just talking that while yes, our family may have had a bit more than your fair share of unfortunate events, we've also had a lot less than some people. While we sometimes wonder why it seemed like this stuff never happened before, the reality is that stillbirth, cancer, even Soldiers dying - it's all been going on for a very long time. As you grow older you just become more and more exposed to it all. Some, like ourselves, more exposed than others.

This past week three West Point graduates passed away. Both Miles and I lost a classmate. If you have a minute (and you probably do) please take a moment to read a little about them and maybe even leave a nice message for their family members who are hurting so much right now - you can post a eulogy by clicking the top left link on the top of the following pages:

Captain Sara Cullen and Captain Andrew Pedersen-Keel

So, should I change the blog name? And if so, what to? I would probably try to figure out a way to change the web address too - I know you can do that somehow. Or should I just leave it? My blogs fluctuate so much between happy and sad. The last two posts are evidence of that. One minute it's what's going on in our lives, then how adorable Finn is, how much I still miss Cale, random post about nothing in particular, random sad thing I wanted to write about/share, Finn is so awesome, I love my dog but look what he did, Finn is seriously awesome - he slept until 9:30 this morning! (true story), another sad post about something probably related to baby loss, look at this furniture I re-did, something deep and meaningful, something trivial and silly, etc, etc, etc. I've kind of decided that the main reason I blog is so I don't have to scrapbook. I'm getting off track, but seriously, so much of what I write about doesn't seem appropriate under a title containing any form of the word 'happy'.

But back to the main topic at hand - the reason I wanted to write a post tonight is mostly to share those two links. The war is so far from over, but our society is so far removed from it. But for the families of Sara and Andrew, and the 6,675 other US Soldiers who have been killed, their lives are forever changed. The sad thing is I'm processing all this news, all this death, and grief, and heartache so much differently these days. It's awful and horrible and will always be, but there is a part of me that has had to learn (the hard way) that it's also just part of life. As much as we wish it weren't.



  1. It's just so sad to hear of your classmates that passed away. My heart absolutely breaks for their families. I will be praying for their families in the days to come...

    On the note of your blog name, I'd say leave it the same -- at least your address. I started my blog at the beginning of my pregnancy with Olivia as, then after Olivia passed away, without even hesitating, I went in and totally changed the name/address because I thought, this just isn't a happy blog anymore. With doing that, I lost several followers and if you went to that address after the change, it didn't redirect or give any notice -- it just didn't exist anymore. Not that followers should be the major concern, but it was a bit of a hassle. Not to mention, I would kind of like to go back to that name now, but not the hassle, so I'll forever keep the address as it is now, but I changed the title back to what it originally started as. I figure, just as you do, I blog about more than just my grief pertaining our daughter, but life in general. There will be sad posts, but also many joyful ones. It's our life, and just as you mentioned, it's my scrapbook these days. Or at least, it was for Samuel's first year!

    I hope that made sense...I really should be in bed. Speaking of which, I hope Finn is a rockstar with a late wake up again tomorrow! :)

  2. Praying for those families, their loved ones and you and miles!
    Happiness...I stove to find the good and happy in things despite how bad they are! Sometimes I just don't but know at some point I will be happy again, someone will make me laugh, something good might happen and yada yada..
    I like your name...despite the fact that were not happy always and bad news comes I can still see happily hidalgo and know there is hope!!

  3. I think it makes perfect sense and wouldn't change a thing. I think the sorrows of life make the joys that much sweeter & more meaningful. And I'm blessed to (happily!) share in your journey, whatever the current post is about.

  4. In the early days of grief I remember stumbling on your blog and the title rang in my ears.

    Happily Hidalgo.


    It made me pause. It made me contemplate my life. I am happily my last name too. But when I was grieving in the early days I could not ever, ever imagine my life being a happy one.

    And you gave me hope.

    No life is not all roses. Yes, you too have suffered loss as I have ...yet you found "Happily Hidalgo" as the most appropriate way to describe this space. I think it is hopeful. I think it is aspirational. I also think it is you and that is the most important part of all.

  5. I wouldn't change the name. How is possible to really capture life in one emotion? You have quite the story, my friend. But, there is still some happy. Weird that you'd choose that adverb to described a newly bereaved family, huh? Hello grief. You are weird.

    Maybe have an "about you" section? If you're concerned others will read and assume you are pretending or overlooking the real difficult times? Explain it here?

    I'm so sad to hear about your classmates. I read about each one and am just so proud to have such wonderful people serving our country. I am so sad though. Nothing is ever good enough to thank their families fr the enormous loss.

    *sorry bat grammar/typos. I am typing from the iPad and it is being a jerk.

  6. Praying for the families of those killed. I don't think you should change your blog name. I identify it with you lol :)

  7. I am so sorry to hear about your classmates. It is truly heartbreaking. There is so much more sadness in the world than there should be. :( I don't know about changing the name of your blog...I was taken aback by it when I first started reading along but I think Cale would want you to be happy and you have every right to be. Hugs. Miss you.

  8. My heart goes out to those newly bereaved families.
    I'm another vote for keeping "Happily Hidaldo" as is. I like your explanation of why you chose that name, too...

  9. Oh I so grieve with those families. Simply heartbreaking. And no, you are our Happily Hidalgo no matter the circumstance. It fits you perfectly. Altho I have to say I assumed u chose it before Cale died. Lol! ;) But I still love it and you!!!

  10. Thank you for sharing about your classmates. I'm so thankful that we have people like them (and you, and Miles, and Daren) willing to fight for our country. I'm brokenhearted for their families.

    I vote to keep the Happily in the blog name. Most of us have been following along with you and your story for some time, but (unfortunately) more will probably find your blog over time. They will need hope for happiness again in that darkness of loss and grief. You are able to show that there still is happiness among all the other things. I love that you're happy. I love that you share furniture projects and how awesome Finn is, and thongs weighing on your heart, and how awesome Finn is, and the real things going on in your life. Its real. Its you. And I like that.

    1. *things weighing on your heart...THINGS. ugh!

  11. Praying for these grieving heartbreaking. I read their stories and am so very grateful for their service and for all those who fight so hard for our country.

    I don't think you should change the blog name- I'm with everyone else. You are my Happily Hidalgo :) I love that you share it all- good, bad, happy, sad <3

  12. I am just catching up on your blog a bit since I recently discovered you're not on Facebook anymore. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friends. They both sounded like amazing people who would have done so many more incredible things.

  13. I think that what you expressed here is really the essence of becoming an adult. When you start to go through these really hard things, but can still recognize the good, and appreciate the balance in life (although sometimes it seems gravely unfair). And for your blog name, I think the fact that you chose it when you did demonstrates strength. You've worked to keep your family happy and strong and it speaks volumes about you, my friend. If you do change it, I thought maybe "Hysterically Hidalgo" would work. Or even "Here we go, Hidalgo" but I'm lacking real suggestions!