These last few days have been on and off emotional for me. I sometimes am hit with little (and big) waves of grief as I picture our lives a year ago and re-live the day Cale was born, the day we found out he died. Yesterday he received a Happy 1st Birthday Card from Babies R Us. They never got the message. Because we were registered with them and they had Cale's due date on file, it's only logical to assume he'd be turning one soon. You don't assume that the worst happened, and that a family went home without a baby. And after I got a little sad opening the card, I thought of all the other families who will get those same cards, but don't have their baby here with them. We also received a box of formula in the mail. I'm breastfeeding Finley, but must have gotten the formula from being on some list. I also got formula a week or so after Cale died. It was much less painful getting it this time. But again, it got me thinking of all the people who will receive that same box, but it will only serve as a painful reminder of what is missing.
The same day I delivered Finley, undoubtedly one of the happiest of my lives, another family just down the hall, lost a baby and had a leaf on their door. The leaf is a symbol to the hospital staff, and all those who enter the room, that it's not a room filled with happiness, but rather a family who had to say goodbye to a baby far too soon. Ironically, it was the same room in which I delivered Cale. Irony sure can be cruel.
So here we are, just a few days away from Cale's Birthday. We'll be celebrating him that day and plan to always acknowledge him with our family. We want Finley, and his future sibling(s) (God willing) to always know about Cale and the fact that he left a big impact on all our lives, just as sweet Harper did for all those who knew her or are lucky enough to know about her.
Here are some pictures from Harper's balloon release.
Below: Finley with his buddy Sam.
They will have to fight over Harper's little sister who is due in September.