June 18, 2011

Bringing Home Baby

Have you ever watched that showing "Bringing Home Baby" on TLC? Or any of the other billion shows on TV about babies? I sort of have a love-hate relationship with them. They are about babies, so I'm kind of a sucker for getting drawn into them, but after experiencing a loss, I also hate them. I hated watching them as they only follow people with happy outcomes, people who sometimes don't realize how good they have it. They can be a huge slap in the face to anyone who wants nothing more than to bring home a baby. Yesterday morning I turned on the TV after feeding Finley. We were just hanging out on the couch and "Bringing Home Baby" was on TV. Miles walked in the room and asked, "Is this a Baby Story?"  and I said "close enough - it's Bringing Home Baby'" to which he stopped, watched for a second and said "ya know, I see that stuff now and feel a little less bitter." I couldn't have agreed more.

Our Bringing Home Baby journey has been such a long one. It feels so strange that it's over. Yes, this is just a beginning of a whole new journey, but it's still surreal to have finally brought a baby home. Here's a little recap (well, that's a lie - this will be long and filled with lots of pictures) of the past few days and bringing home Finley.

Sunday, June 12th was a long day. By night we couldn't sleep. It wasn't until after midnight that we finally tried to get a few hours rest. We were up by 4am to put the bags in the car, drop Roscoe off with his friends' Zeus and Luna, and head to the hospital. Here's a picture of us right before we left.

We arrived shortly after 6am, but the induction didn't really get kicked off until a couple hours, and a botched IV, later. Since it was an induction and my body wasn't totally ready for labor, they first had to give me some meds to get me further dilated. Then a couple hours after that I was given pitocin.


While waiting for things to progress, I did hit a point where I began to struggle. Not physically, because of the pain, but emotionally. Here we were, nearly a year later, going through another delivery, it was very familiar and at the same time totally foreign. I missed Cale, and was upset about all that he never got to experience. I was thinking so much of what it was like when Miles and I waited in the delivery room for him to be born, knowing that once he was, the only crying would be from us, not from our baby. There were no congratulatory expressions given, no joyous calls or text sent out. It was somber and quiet and not what Cale's birth should have been . . . not what any babies entrance into the world should be. But, as we've learned to do over and over, we got through it.

As for the labor itself, the contractions were manageable until I was about 7cm dilated at which point I opted to get an epidural. I wanted to feel things out and play it by ear in regards to having a natural delivery, but also wanted to enjoy the experience as much as possible. Once the pain was taking over, I knew it was time to get some relief and don't regret that decision. It was less than an hour until Finley was born, so for that last bit of time, the best and most exciting part, I was able to really just enjoy everything, most importantly the birth itself, with no pain.

When it was time to push, we were both SO excited. The moment we had been waiting for was here, and it came somewhat unexpectedly after my doctor checked my progress and said somewhat surprised himself "oh, well, it's time - you ready?"

Eight minutes later, Finley Daren Hidalgo, entered this world, crying, healthy, perfect, beautiful . . .alive. They laid him on my chest immediately and I was just so overcome with everything. Crying tears of joy, I was holding my boy, looking up at Miles, and just amazed at the miracle that just took place.

Shortly afterwords, Finley was taken over to the Panda Warmer (which we joked would be hilarious if there was actually a big panda in the corner of labor and delivery rooms, ready to lick clean newborns and keep them warm before giving them back. . . admit it, that would be pretty hilarious). Anyway, Miles went over to help clean him and dress him and just bask in the awesomeness of his newborn son, all 6 pounds, 7 ounces of him.

 Miles wrapping Finn in his big brother's blanket.

After the delivery, Miles and I couldn't help but talk about how wonderful everything was, but how bittersweet it is to know exactly the sort of emotions and overall experience we missed out on with Cale. And to look at our sweet boy and know that his middle name is that of an Uncle he'll never meet. It's just hard. Eventually, we moved to the Mother & Baby section. Walking over there was a little strange. With Cale, we stayed in the delivery room until we were released from the hospital the next day. But now, here we were going to our "recovery" room, with our baby. It was almost impossible to fall asleep that night. We could have easily just sat up and watched Finley all night, reminding ourselves that he was ours for the keeping.

Ok, enough hormonally driven emotions. On to some more pictures!

Daddy doing some skin-to-skin time, while introducing Finley to Sports Center.

Here's Finley next to one of the pillows we brought. 
We wanted to make sure the hospital didn't try to steal our pillows.

 And here we are getting ready to head home!

Best sight in the world. . . Our little family, headed home.

And here we are, home at last:

Ok, this has become the longest blog post ever. And has taken a couple days to put together, but I wouldn't give up being busy for anything. Thanks for reading!


  1. Caroline and Miles,
    This post makes my heart so happy! What a beautiful baby! Even more lovely is the joy written all over your faces. So truly happy for you both!


  2. Incredible! Wow! What a great post Caroline! Thank you for sharing! Welcome to the world Finley Daren!

  3. A beautiful account, Caroline--I laughed, I cried... :)

    So happy that Finely has such amazing parents who will be able to teach him first-hand how precious life is!

  4. Sooo many tears of joy for you, Miles, and your families. I couldn't be happier for you all! I love all of the pictures, they are beautiful and the last one with Roscoe made me laugh out loud!! :)

  5. P.S. Zeus and Luna said, "thanks for the shout out!!" ;)

  6. So glad you got your "bringing home baby" moment. I love the skin-to-skin photos. My hubby did a TON of that with Jack before he passed away, and I know Jack enjoyed it as much as his daddy did.

    Congratulations on the safe arrival of Finley.

  7. Dear Caroline,

    Beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes.

    You deserve this joy!

    Love your choice in car seat Chicco!
    We also love our carriage, play yard
    and high chair. We got the brown that
    looks like a coach bag.

    Enjoy your day.

    All the best,

    Coastal Blue Ocean

  8. Caroline, I love following your blog and as always am amazed by your grace. Thanks for taking precious time to share these beautiful moments!