October 12, 2014

Walk to Remember

Last night we participated in a walk to remember for Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. The event was put on by the Zoe Foundation which is the organization we raised money for in July as part of the Summer Sizzler 5K race. There was a really good turnout - they had music and tables set up to make quilt squares as well as tables with information about resources and support, and fundraising events. Next month I will be running for the Zoe Foundation during the rock 'n roll half marathon. Cale's name (and many others) will be on the back of my race shirt.

They also had jars at each table with the names of each child being remembered, and read the names out loud of all children who were being honored:

And after a few speakers, we were invited to light a floating lantern and push it out on to the nearby lake. I found this very peaceful and beautiful.

This is the first event we have attended specifically for loss awareness since Finn was an infant. It was important to me to attend first and foremost because of Cale, but also because Finn is at the age where he's starting to understand and process things more and I want him (and Mary) to grow up knowing about Cale and the importance of still celebrating and remembering him. When I told him we were going to the lake to light a candle for baby Cale, he asked me if it was Cale's birthday. I said, "no, it's just a special day to remember him and other babies."

When we left the park Finn asked, "where baby Cale at?" and we told him that Cale died. I've told him this before (I think it's important to be honest and not try to make a confusing subject more confusing), but he did say, "when me was a baby, I died" to which we quickly corrected him. He then said, "Mary didn't die, Daddy didn't die" to which we reminded him that yes, Daddy and Mary and you and Mommy are all alive, but Cale did die. We explained that when you die, you go bye bye and don't come back. He told us that baby Cale is with Uncle Daren, but a few days prior had asked if Cale was Daren's brother. We tell him who Daren is and try our best to explain it all to him and I do think he's understanding it a little better. Today we drove past a cemetery and he said, "is baby Cale der?" which is kinda sad, but mostly I think it's intuitive of him to ask as we have never told him that Cale was in a cemetery, but he does know that a cemetery is a place you go when you die. Honestly, the drive home from the walk was almost kind of comical. Yes honey, Cale is your brother and he died. No he's not Uncle Daren's brother, that's your daddy's brother who also died. I mean it's obviously not at all funny, but funny in the I'm going to laugh so I don't cry sort of way.

Finn's tag reads, "Walking in Honor of my brother Cale" and when we got home he was adamant about wearing it, so Miles put it on his pajamas and he slept with it on. Then when he woke up he asked me to put it on the shirt he wore today. I know he doesn't get the significance of it, but it tugged at my heart nonetheless.

I'm grateful this event took place and we were able to attend. We will also participate in the Wave of Light on October 15th. I invite you all to light a candle with us at 7pm that day (or anytime) in honor of all babies who are gone, but never ever forgotten.



  1. What a beautiful family day. So moving, simple and inclusive. I adore that Finn didn't want to take his sticker off. Sometimes I think these rainbows know far more than we ever realize.

  2. I feel like I commented. Maybe it was to myself in my thoughts.

    I love that you did this with your kids. It's so important that they know who Cale is and begin to understand (with normal language, agreed!) what happened to Cale and how he is still their brother and so important to the family. Those floating lanterns are incredibly beautiful and such a fantastic idea. I'm so glad you live in Savannah and have dug right in.

    Cale is always remembered. xo

  3. Oh I was hoping you would do a blog post when I saw that beautiful picture of the lantern before! The picture of the lanterns floating on the lake takes my breath away...

    Death is such an important but hard concept for this age. (I remember Erik thinking that the funeral home we went to for my grandmother was heaven, and having to explain how yes, her body was here but her soul wasn't anymore). It sounds like you are explaining it all with so much love and patience and in a way that will only bring him closer to his sweet big brother.

  4. Such a sweet post and how nice that you had the event to attend. I spent a lot of time thinking about L and others who have lost babies on that day, but in the future I would love to do a walk or just attend an event specific to infant and pregnancy loss. Thinking of your family and Cale, of course.

    And I think it is so, so sweet that Finn didn't want to take off his sticker. Now that I am pregnant, I think a lot about how we will talk about L if/when our second daughter arrives.

  5. This was so beautiful Caroline. Cale's name on that lantern was stunning. Gorgeous and peaceful on that lake.
    Finn and his sticker takes my breath away. Such love from that boy for his brother. xox

  6. Ok, after reading this I now feel bad about what I just posted. It sort of makes me angry to think about a memorial service for someone I never got to even see. Maybe it's because a miscarriage is still so much more abstract...anyway I'm sorry if my post about foregoing the service is in any way offensive in the face of what you've posted here, which is beautiful.