December 19, 2014

Holiday Perfection

I sometimes think I'm guilty of posting and sharing pictures of only the cute and fun - like when Finn is comforting Mary when she cries (like he did today), instead of also sharing the not cute and not fun - like when Finn threw himself on the floor with big crocodile tears because I walked down the stairs before him (like he did today).

So, let me tell you about my day.

It started off as most days do in that we were running late. Finn's class was decorating gingerbread houses today and invited all the parents. So  I didn't even have to pack his lunch as it would be provided, and yet I still couldn't get out the door on time. Part of our delay was due to the sippy cup  I found stashed in the cabinet we keep the water bottles and as I opened it pleading, "please be water, please be water" I discovered that it was not water, but rather milk. Chunky, curdling, milk. I literally was gagging putting in the sink (to deal with later), and thinking I should have just thrown it away. Because we were already late, Mary left the house in her jammies and we headed to drop Finn off at school. Afterwards, I went to the park to workout (and change Mary in to some normal clothes) allowing just a smidge of time between my workout and when I would need to be back at school for Finn's party. That smidge of time did not allow for me to go home and shower, but hey, that's what deodorants for, right?

When I get to Finn's school (on time! with the juice boxes I signed up to bring!) I was the only parent who brought another child, and probably the only who who hadn't showered. I don't think the workout clothes gave off the "active" mom vibe, but more of a "hot mess" vibe. Whatever.

After a story they had lunch which was pizza and my child couldn't be bothered to eat all of his, so I ate the rest - again, probably the only one who ate their kids' leftovers, but in his defense it wasn't that great and I realized that it was from Whole Foods and therefore probably a gluten and dairy free pizza or something.

Then it was time to decorate gingerbread houses and here's what I've discovered - teachers wait to do this activity on the last day of school so they can invite the parents for some "holiday fun" but really, I think the teachers know that it's a total pain in the ass and we are just going to up the dollar amount on the Starbucks gift cards we gift them because they are the ones who have to do these crafts every week with the kids - and not just your kid, but all the other little messy, snotty, germ factory kids who are in the same class.

I only had to worry about helping Finn decorate his house, and it made me want to day drink. Mary was losing her mind in ergo, but also would not let me put her down. I tried nursing her, but she wasn't interested, so while Finn was making what was undoubtedly the ugliest gingerbread house, I was psychotically rocking Mary back and forth telling Finn, "sure" when he asked if he could eat his 80th gummy bear.  The little girl across from Finn had both mommy and daddy there to help - daddy even put shingles on the roof of her gingerbread house - shingles! And her mom made sure she didn't get frosting on her adorable smocked Christmas dress with matching bow. Finn had frosting on his pants, hands, cheeks, and hair. Then there were the families taking pictures that I'm sure will get hashtaged at least three times with something horribly obnoxious and borderline pretentious like  #soblessed or #ilovechristmas.

As we left (all the while Mary was screaming) another mom handed me a cute, Pinteresty, Christmas goody from her son -  making me want to shout, "oh, come on!" but instead I smiled and thanked her and hustled out as fast as I could. I have no clue when she had the time to make them, but I'm willing to bet she won't go home to a curdled milk sippy cup in her sink. When we got to the car I had to wrestle Mary in to her carseat - that little meatball is strong! And I told Finn he could have the candy cane he shoved into his pocket before leaving.

Now we are home and the kids are napping and I'm thinking I should address the sippy cup situation, or maybe even shower, but will probably just eat some ugly gingerbread house instead.

Nailed it.


  1. Thank you. Because you know my day. Thank you. p.s. That school story? Me yesterday, wrangling my kids and watching MOM and DAD and GRANDMA at the sing-a-long with their pre-charged and ready video cams on tripods (hooray for iphones!) while I was lucky to just get through it without armpit stains. Both kids fought for lap space... so I am right now eating ice cream to create more lap space for them.

  2. Okay, so I LOLed at the picture of the gingerbread're definitely not the only one having those kinds of days. At least Roscoe didn't eat any diapers.

  3. This is so funny to read (and so honest). I love it. I think Finn's gingerbread house has charm and this other family probably bought those "homemade" treats (or had help). Whatever! Oh, and you should definitely just throw that cup away :)

    I hope you poured yourself a glass of wine instead of washing the cup or shower. Those will both wait.

  4. Oh how I love you!I have felt like I have been descending into madness lately with Lil's "school." I swear for the last two weeks I have been the hot mess parent which is just so comforting...

    You aren't alone. And I would have just eaten the dodgy gingerbread house.

  5. Shingles...haha I hope they get shingles for showing off! Umm I just found a bottle with breast milk floating on the car floor from who knows when!
    Although long and crazy days I love reading about them because they show me that it's life and I'm not the only one!

  6. LOL @ eat some ugly gingerbread house instead. Ha! My thoughts exactly.

    To make your juice box bringing feel better, I brought bagels and cream cheese to Theos potluck lunch at our preschool drop-in program. Other moms brought lasagna and HOMEMADE FREAKIN SUSHI, and I brought bagels ;). AND, I wore my yoga pants and DIDNT just come from working out :D #activemomvibe

    I think this post was hilarious and real. You, my friend, nailed it ;)

  7. Home with both kids napping. You win after all. Smooches!

  8. I love you!! Ps-props to you for fitting a workout in on such a crazy day!! And I would have totally eaten his pizza too! :p

  9. Uhm, I'd just like to thank you. Thank you for sharing the real and behind the scenes stuff. I feel like a walking disaster most days, and seem to be surrounded by moms who have it together and children that don't throw themselves on the floor or pinch someone else's face.

  10. This is great (in a you're surviving real life very well way). I totally failed to bring in the two boxes of candy canes I was supposed to for Erik's party and didn't even care...and I skipped both boys' parties this year. And I want to know how you manage to go work out with Mary (besides sheer willpower) because I am struggling SO much in that department. And you're doing it all solo...seriously, you deserve a pat on the back! Also--I'm sure those perfectly dressed moms with their designer children (they're always in our classes too) had to deal with some sweet sugar crash meltdowns after school ;)

  11. Oh and I accidentally called someone's mom an overachiever in front of the kids when we got those darn goodie bags. But God answered my prayers and the kids didn't repeat me...if that's the new standard though, I quit.

  12. I'm always the hot mess parent--and incidentally, the room mom for both classes, so even less cool to be the hot mess parent when you are supposed to be in charge and shit. Ha! The psychotic rocking back and forth made me LOL bc that is so how I try to handle Kellan when he is in sloane's classroom

  13. This made me laugh out loud. I love the honesty. I'm sure this will be me in the future.

  14. This made me laugh out loud. I love the honesty. I'm sure this will be me in the future.