Last week I was going through old pictures and videos. I watched Finn as a newborn and a young infant. Amazed at how much he's changed and how precious it was to have that time with him. I did this on several different days and though I won't say I wasted nap time, I definitely hadn't planned on using it as a chance to walk down memory lane.
And then yesterday a good friend had a baby girl. Seeing what are some of the very first pictures of her - it just gave me the good kind of goosebumps. Babies are so special. When they make it here safely - ugh, it's just amazing.
And I'm realizing that I have a bad case of baby fever.
I will always want what I didn't have with Cale. To hear the soft noises and whimpers, to nurse a sleeping baby, to take those deep breaths and wonder how could they possibly smell so damn good. And I want what I was so very lucky to have with Finn - all of that plus an extra two years of watching him change from that sweet whimpering newborn to a fun and chatty little boy.
I had zero interest in getting pregnant before Finn turned one and when I did find out I was pregnant last fall, Finn was only 15 months and still so very much a baby himself. Even at two years, he's still my baby. So while I was excited back then - it wasn't so much a result of this built up baby fever, but rather for the possibility of what that could have meant for our family.
But now - now, I have the fever. I daydream about snuggling a newborn and getting to experience the joys, and trials, of parenting all over again.
The truth is my baby fever is only getting stronger.
As is my love for the baby I carry now, who hopefully will be my cure.