On my list of things to do before I'm 30, I had "See a baby be born." Coincidentally this was #13 on my list, and luckily for me, I had the honor of witnessing the birth of of my nephew, Wyatt Miguel Hidalgo, to complete this item on the list. Jenny was actually the one who suggested this for my 30 year old bucket list and really this was the only opportunity I would have before turning 30, because it's not every day that people invite you in to their delivery rooms. But I'm so thankful that Jenny wanted me there. I knew it would be special. But it was so much more than that.
But before I go into detail about Wyatt's arrival I wanted to first address how this was difficult for me. I don't want that to overshadow the joyfulness of the occasion, because it didn't, but there were times where it was hard and I got sad, especially afterwards when I was processing it all. Being able to witness a birth, but not be actively involved, gave me a lot of time to just think about Cale. I know I could have compared the happiness of the occasion to Finn's arrival, but the truth is I just thought about Cale. I thought about him when little Wyatt came out and "pinked up" to this beautiful, perfect color. I thought about how my boy never did. I thought about how happy and excited all the people in the room were and how Cale's delivery was silent, except for the tears. I thought about Cale when Wyatt made his first glorious cry, a sound I never heard from my son. And I thought about him when I got to hold Wyatt and look over his precious little body, something I did for far too short of a time with Cale. Wyatt's arrival was everything it should be. And I'm so, so thankful for that. But ugh, what I wouldn't give for Cale to have had the same.
Three years have softened it all - the grief and the emotions, but sometimes the gravity of his loss can still be so acutely horrible. Feeling that flood of emotion did catch me a little off guard which maybe is silly since I knew watching a delivery would be a very likely trigger. But the intensity with which I missed him and ached for him in those moments was stronger than I expected. I just wanted so much more for him that he never got, from the very beginning.
Jenny is one of the few people I could be there for during a delivery though. Because she has been a constant support in regards to my grief and because she has loved Cale so very much and never let me forget that, it was easy to not only be there for her, but to want to be there as well. Aside from my own sister, I can't imagine being more honored to be able to experience something so intimate and amazing. I was texting with my wonderful photographer who took Finley's birth pictures and telling her I was going to be afforded the opportunity to capture pictures for Jenny. She told me how it would be one of the most incredible experiences and would be so powerful. She was exactly right.
The atmosphere before, during, and after his arrival were all so uniquely special. There was the excitement and anxiety of it all and the nervousness of (the very little) waiting around. I realized about an hour after we got there that I hadn't even eaten breakfast - I was just too amped up on adrenaline to even notice! And when the nurse checked Jenny and realized it was game time, the mood instantly switched. We were all just standing and pacing (well, not Jenny) ready to do anything and nothing. Jenny's doctor arrived and it was like we instinctively took our places, ready to welcome this little baby with all the love we could possibly give. Oh, another connection to three - that's how many pushes it took before Wyatt was born. And just like that he was here, perfect and healthy, and so, so cute. He didn't have a name at this point (Jack, Beckett, Lincoln - all on the list for possibilities), but Jared looked at Jenny and said "I think he kind of looks like a Wyatt" Jenny smiled and said "I do too" and like that little no-name became little Wyatt Miguel (Miguel being Daren's middle name - Daren is also the third boy). It was perfect. And you look at him now and think "of course that's your name. Of course"
Wyatt was a hefty 8lbs, 6oz - outweighing both his brothers who each came in at 8 even. He resembles them both, but is also so very him. He cried briefly, but once a little cleaned and snuggled, he was just as content as could be.
This rush of gratitude and thankfulness just seemed to wash over us all. Not only was Wyatt born one year from when his mom finished chemotherapy for Hodgkin's Lymphoma, but they are both healthy. Not a single person in that room took that for granted. In fact later that same day a friend of mine would be induced due to health complications. She gave birth to a perfect little boy after a long, painful labor (and emergency c-section delivery) that was very scary for both mom and baby. I won't go into details out of respect for her, but it was a quick reminder to us, only a short time after Wyatt arrived, of how very lucky he is.
I've included just a few pictures of the day. Mostly because even though I got to take these pictures, I feel that they belong to Jenny and they are for her to share. But, because I want to show off my perfect little nephew I will share a few:
Welcome to the world Wyatt. I'm thrilled to be your Aunt and love you so very, very much.