August 23, 2013

Welcoming Wyatt

My nephew was born two days ago. He is the third child, third boy, of Miles' older brother and his wife Jenny who live only an hour away from us now. In addition to being the third, he was born on the 21st (2+1=3) in 2013 (2+0+1=3) at 11:13 (1+1+1=3) and Jenny's labor was three hours and three minutes. I'm sure instead of thinking of all the neat connections to three, everyone is really just hating Jenny for having such a quick labor. That's ok - I do too.

On my list of things to do before I'm 30, I had "See a baby be born." Coincidentally this was #13 on my list, and luckily for me, I had the honor of witnessing the birth of of my nephew, Wyatt Miguel Hidalgo, to complete this item on the list. Jenny was actually the one who suggested this for my 30 year old bucket list and really this was the only opportunity I would have before turning 30, because it's not every day that people invite you in to their delivery rooms. But I'm so thankful that Jenny wanted me there. I knew it would be special. But it was so much more than that.

But before I go into detail about Wyatt's arrival I wanted to first address how this was difficult for me. I don't want that to overshadow the joyfulness of the occasion, because it didn't, but there were times where it was hard and I got sad, especially afterwards when I was processing it all. Being able to witness a birth, but not be actively involved, gave me a lot of time to just think about Cale. I know I could have compared the happiness of the occasion to Finn's arrival, but the truth is I just thought about Cale. I thought about him when little Wyatt came out and "pinked up" to this beautiful, perfect color. I thought about how my boy never did. I thought about how happy and excited all the people in the room were and how Cale's delivery was silent, except for the tears. I thought about Cale when Wyatt made his first glorious cry, a sound I never heard from my son. And I thought about him when I got to hold Wyatt and look over his precious little body, something I did for far too short of a time with Cale. Wyatt's arrival was everything it should be. And I'm so, so thankful for that. But ugh, what I wouldn't give for Cale to have had the same.

Three years have softened it all - the grief and the emotions, but sometimes the gravity of his loss can still be so acutely horrible. Feeling that flood of emotion did catch me a little off guard which maybe is silly since I knew watching a delivery would be a very likely trigger. But the intensity with which I missed him and ached for him in those moments was stronger than I expected. I just wanted so much more for him that he never got, from the very beginning.

Jenny is one of the few people I could be there for during a delivery though. Because she has been a constant support in regards to my grief and because she has loved Cale so very much and never let me forget that, it was easy to not only be there for her, but to want to be there as well. Aside from my own sister, I can't imagine being more honored to be able to experience something so intimate and amazing. I was texting with my wonderful photographer who took Finley's birth pictures and telling her I was going to be afforded the opportunity to capture pictures for Jenny. She told me how it would be one of the most incredible experiences and would be so powerful. She was exactly right.

The atmosphere before, during, and after his arrival were all so uniquely special. There was the excitement and anxiety of it all and the nervousness of (the very little) waiting around. I realized about an hour after we got there that I hadn't even eaten breakfast - I was just too amped up on adrenaline to even notice! And when the nurse checked Jenny and realized it was game time, the mood instantly switched. We were all just standing and pacing (well, not Jenny) ready to do anything and nothing. Jenny's doctor arrived and it was like we instinctively took our places, ready to welcome this little baby with all the love we could possibly give. Oh, another connection to three - that's how many pushes it took before Wyatt was born. And just like that he was here, perfect and healthy, and so, so cute. He didn't have a name at this point (Jack, Beckett, Lincoln - all on the list for possibilities), but Jared looked at Jenny and said "I think he kind of looks like a Wyatt" Jenny smiled and said "I do too" and like that little no-name became little Wyatt Miguel (Miguel being Daren's middle name - Daren is also the third boy). It was perfect. And you look at him now and think "of course that's your name. Of course"

Wyatt was a hefty 8lbs, 6oz - outweighing both his brothers who each came in at 8 even. He resembles them both, but is also so very him. He cried briefly, but once a little cleaned and snuggled, he was just as content as could be.

This rush of gratitude and thankfulness just seemed to wash over us all. Not only was Wyatt born one year from when his mom finished chemotherapy for Hodgkin's Lymphoma, but they are both healthy. Not a single person in that room took that for granted. In fact later that same day a friend of mine would be induced due to health complications. She gave birth to a perfect little boy after a long, painful labor (and emergency c-section delivery) that was very scary for both mom and baby. I won't go into details out of respect for her, but it was a quick reminder to us, only a short time after Wyatt arrived, of how very lucky he is.

I've included just a few pictures of the day. Mostly because even though I got to take these pictures, I feel that they belong to Jenny and they are for her to share. But, because I want to show off my perfect little nephew I will share a few:

Welcome to the world Wyatt. I'm thrilled to be your Aunt and love you so very, very much.


  1. Love this!! Congrats Hidalgo family on the newest lil man!!

  2. Tears pouring down my cheeks. So glad to see a baby born safe, such a joyous moment. I am so happy that Jenny let you be there in that moment. I also feel the back of my throat tighten that Cale didn't cry, the silent tears...

    How brave of you to be in that moment, too.

  3. I agree with Melissa, you are so brave. I'm having an emotional day and this made me sob. For the wonder of it all and for the ache that we did not have this magical happiness with our oldest boys. I hope so much that you (and me too someday) get to experience this wonder again soon. The family photo is precious. I will be forever sorry that ours will not look quite as full.

    Also beautiful and courageous of Jenny to share this joy and be with you in sorrow. I love her! xoxo

  4. You are so brave! I know it must've been terribly hard and perfectly beautiful at the same time for you to be there.

    Each time I hear of friends' birth astoriea, I always think of how I wish Caroline's had gone. Even now, with Addalee and Abigail here, I think back to hers and all that I wish it could have been.

    Wyatt is adorable. Jenny is so strong, sweet, and blessed. And you are pretty amazing in my book!

  5. You are brave. I too would have thought of my first born experience, as you did with Cale.

    It sounds like Jenny is one of the most wonderful people with a special place for Cale in her life. I'm so happy you were wanting to be there for her. She sounds somewhat perfect in her own right.

    I love your nephews name, so perfect.

    Those emotions of that day got me so emotional. Reading how acute it all became again, still such a REAL LIFE experience that I'm sure we will live over as it had been yesterday for the rest of our lives. But as I started with - you are so brave.

  6. Brave, yes. And so beautiful. You're such a beautiful person and all that you wrote about Cale, Jenny, Wyatt, and your experiences were so raw and genuine. I know I would be thinking the same about Andrew if I were in that delivery room.

    I watched my best friend's baby be born 9 years ago (!) in my early 20s and pretty much decided I was cool on having kids forever. Hah. And here I am... and she's three kids in now as well. Luckily her husband was there to witness their births and hold her leg instead.

    Your photos are spectacular! And I mean that!

  7. I have to say this post just makes me love you even more- you are such an amazing and beautiful person. The emotions involved that day had to be so much but the love you have for your family shows through your words and pictures. I know I would have been thinking of Aiden as well just as you thought of Cale- so very brave my friend.

    So very happy that baby Wyatt and Jenny are doing well. Your pictures from the day are beautiful!

  8. What an unbelievably tough/beautiful experience.

    I hated her for about a nanosecond till I remembered that she, of all people, deserves a labor like that after all she has been through physically in the past year.

    The pictures are just amazing, the family one especially brought tears. Mr. Wyatt is one lucky son of a gun to be surrounded by such love and enjoy so many moments that his family will never, ever take for granted.